Usually I bow at the welcome mat of all that is MAXIM. It is a fabulous magazine for men and WOMEN. Glossy pages, sexy layouts, what's not to like? Imagine my dismay and disgust when I was flipping through the channels and landed on Maxim's Hot 100 on VH1. I'm sure by now you all know who number 1 was.
Jessica (TEE HEE! IT'S CUTE TO BE STUPID!) Simpson.
Can you fucking believe that shit? Can you? Men, chime in on this one. What makes a woman hot? Please tell me it is more than blonde hair and big, jiggling, boobies and a tight ass. I realize all those go a long way to FURTHERING the cause of hotness, but give me a HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE right here, y'all. To be hot is to be intelligent. To be hot is to be witty. To be hot is to be well spoken. To be hot is to know the difference between chicken and motherfucking fish! Madonna (or should I call her Esther?) is hot. Halle Berry is hot. Jessica Simpson is a little girl who would still be washing cars in her pasties singing about Jesus were it not for the manipulation and greed of her parents. Have you seen the look in her father's eyes? Have you seen her sister? Them thar looks a fluke, honey!
Be clear that this is not jealousy speaking. It is pure BLARGH. She is a very beautiful girl, to be sure, but that's just corn fed. There's hundreds of her running around Texas. Iowa. Brasil. And I bet y'all they're much smarter, too. They know that buffaloes don't have wings, for example. I, for one, am insulted that she is at the TOP of the list. Just put Paris Hilton up there, why fucking don't you? She doesn't sing, dance, or work! She just pouts, wears miniscule clothing and giggles. This is a dark, dark, day for women.
At least hookers work for their money. But, I digress.
All piss, no vinegar. And not a damn chance of sugar.
Men, don't you understand? How would y'all feel if someone proclaimed the hottest stupidest man #1? I can't give y'all an equal example because I can't think of a man that vacuous. There's some running around Orlando, but they aren't famous yet.
What is it with Maxim? This was a bad, bad, choice. Shame on you.
Well, who picked them? My bets? Probably a female producer/editor who was thinking, "Hey, what would sell?"
And the looks her Father gives her, I think he wants her, it's gross. I told Rachel that one time when we were watching that show on MTV.
I don't remember you saying that but it does sound like something you would say. ;)
And yeah.. that was a bad bad bad choice.
Just goes to show that it's fashionable to be stupid,Totally opposite what I would like in a woman.
I could care less about boob and butt size.
It's because women like that are good for boys to look at and fantasise over. It takes maturity for a man to realise that wit and intelligence and humour matter far more. Even the shallowest man will find he can't put up with a "show pony" for too long if there's no grey matter there.
I like women, some more than others. What makes a woman hot can be all kinds of things, usually good combinations.
BTW, I think Jessica Simpson is dumb like a fox ;-)
Well, although I am a pretty big fan of the "blonde hair and big, jiggling, boobies and a tight ass." I have to say that I really wouldn't waste my energy trying to bone Jessica Simpson.
I mean, not going into the look her father gives her... lets talk about the looks her husband gives her... Lets just say, its obvious that he doesn't love her for her interesting daily observations and witty banter.
Now, as for her sister... that girl is about as annoying as a parrot on speed. Especially if it was one of those parrots that you taught exclusively swear words (which, without the speed is definitely edutainment). Anyway, she reminds me of all of the bratty girls that I went to Middle School with... And she really can't sing, and she's only going to get laid because her sister is Jessica Simpson.