work.

When I started writing this blog almost a year ago, now, I was in free fall. Writing to get the thoughts out of my head. Writing to have some quiet space. Writing to have some time for me. It was free therapy. This for a girl who had finally just been able to quiet the panic/anxiety monsters lurking beneath her bed who was too frightened to go to a counselor on base (even though I desperately needed it) because she had already run in to and continues to run in to the guy who makes her ob/gyn appointments and smirks every time he sees her.

I used to run to get those voices out. I'd run and run and run until everything was quiet. I ran every Saturday. I ran during my ex-husband's football practice, all three hours of it, every day after school, lap after lap after lap. And even though I eventually ended up exhausted and sweaty, what I realized is that I was running in circles.

Being able to have my blog voted on is running in circles for me all over again. I jump, I trip, I fall, you laugh. You think you like me. You read something you don't like, you click 1. Or 2. Or 3. I write a serious post about it, playing nice and asking you to please NOT VOTE. I deal with enough negativity in my day. That post leaves the page, I wax funny and sarcastic and my ratings fall, a little more every day. And soon I find myself trying to be FUNNIER! And AMUSINGER! and Look at me! Look at me! Don't you like me?

Then this morning I realized that I am not in high school any more. I don't have to jump through hoops (unless I damn well want to), I don't have to write funny/witty posts, and I sure as hell don't have to shop at Esprit. I started this blog to meet some new people and get quiet. And I was there. I had my blogroll and favorites all of whom I couldn't wait to check on every morning. Just the right touch of sarcasm, humor, insight, and belly laughs. I felt happy and quiet.

Enter BlogExplosion. The crack cocaine of surfing. You click. You read. You get credits. I was hooked. Click. Click. Click. I found and still find the whole experience to be very eye opening. And then came the voting. I decided I wasn't going to vote, but once I saw that people were going out of their way to give me 10's and put a smile on my face, I wanted to give them the same pat on the back. It was their way of holding the door open for me when I have my hands full of groceries. So I reciprocated. If you blogmarked me, or I blogmarked you, I clicked on your site and gave you a ten. If you gave me a 1, I asked for constructive criticism, but I didn't not rate you critically. I was not enough of an adult as Brooks to rate you a 10, but I was still nice.

With the ability to see who has voted on your blog and what they have scored you put on hold, voting has become (in most cases) vindictive and ugly. In some cases, it is no more than a glorified popularity contest. People are voted for on their politics, their grammatical errors, their layouts. And most of the time? The votes are negative. And we have all been affected. There are flame wars and posts about low ratings and on and on.

So why are you here? You ask, defiantly. Just to complain? And my answer to you is, "No." I like Blog Explosion. There is one aspect of it that I don't like. But that doesn't mean that I am going to give up on it. I like to read the political blogs and the SAHM blogs and the photo blogs and the design blogs and the critique blogs and the teenage blogs. It's a big world out there. I like to peer through the portals every now and then.

I did write to "THE BIG PEOPLE" and back a suggestion that I saw on the Shout Box, wherein if you like the blog, you get to give it a vote, not a rating. I have forgotten who suggested it, so if it was you, accept my apologies, and leave a comment so I can give you proper credit, mmkay? I also inquired about opting out of rating. As I stated before, if I feel like having my ass handed to me on a platter, I'll toodle on over to the weblog review. Or ask Momma to critique some of my writing. Those are red letter days.

What I think is being forgotten here is that most people write just to write. And unless they ASK YOU to vote for them directly, we don't have the right to judge their writing, their design, or anything. Perhaps you think that the mere joining of Blog Explosion means that we surrender that right, but I will stand up and wave my hand in the air wildly and say that I didn't know that was part of the deal. If you disagree...okay. It's probably the first opinion I've posted on here that can be open to argument, so we'll deal accordingly.

My point is this.

This is my blog. I come here to get things off my chest and have a little laugh and a sit down. Unless you are sitting here offering me constructive criticism about how to make myself a better person? You don't get to rate me on this. I get rated every day at work, and I'm sure the rest of you do, too. Performance appraisals, critiques from in laws...I deal with negative bullshit every day, as I'm sure the rest of you do, as well. I'm not here to relive all that.

That being said, if I really offend you that much? Look up there and click on the "Do Not ALLOW" button.

Make your and MY day a little bit brighter.