*scratch scratch*
Sometimes I wonder about the state of healthcare. Medication, specifically. As I stopped by to pick up a prescription that is SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME BETTER, this is the following conversation I had with the young man behind the plastic window. I used to think that it was so I didn't get any germs on him, but now I know it is so that I don't hop back there and wrap my furiously itchy hive-y hands around his clean-shaven throat.
Medical Expert: Hi! Just the one pick up, then?
TCWH: (completely unassumingly) Hi! Yes! Just the one! (see how friendly I am in real life? And for what?)
M.E.: Have you taken XYZ before?
TCWH: (still smiling) Ummm. No. This is my first time.
M.E.:Well there's some things I should let you know.
TCWH: Okay. Shoot!
M.E.: Well for starters, most people that this is prescribed to have a mild allergic reaction to this medication. In most instances you will just have scratching, rashes, but most likely hives. Probably definitely hives.
TCWH: Most? Like how many most?
M.E: Well, most like MOST first time users. But not to worry, you'll probably only have scratching and hives.
TCWH: (What I wanted to say) And you want me to go to work? With fucking children? With fucking rashes and hives? Are you out of your damn mind? (What I actually said). So I can't...ummm, what I mean is I won't...ummm, you know, I won't...
M.E. (using his expertise to read my mind)...die? (laughing) No, you...well, I can't say that you WON'T die, I mean, most likely you WON'T, but some people do...ummm, anyway you could experience some difficulty breathing, and if you notice your throat closing up, you should rush to the ER. That's the Emergency Room.
TCWH: (glowering) (What I wanted to say) So you're saying that if I feel like I can't breathe I should wait until I feel my throat ACTUALLY squeezing shut BEFORE I roll over and signal to my husband with my eyes (since my hands will be scratching furiously at my itchy hives in between clawing at my rapidly shrinking airway) to GET ME TO THE ER, THAT'S THE EMERGENCY ROOM? (What I actually said) .... (Not a damn thing. My silence is speaking volumes. Actually, I was quiet because I was dangerously close to trying to spit through all those little holes in the glass.)
M.E. (perhaps reading my mind, because he's now laughing nervously) But that doesn't happen that often to most of the people who react. Probably you'll just be itchy and have hives for the next three days. Any questions?
TCWH: (screaming on the inside) No.
M.E.: (ear to ear smile) Have a Nice Day! And have a Great Thanksgiving!
TCWH: mumble mumble expletive expletive expletive.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?