Can I just tell you how beautiful that damn island is? Sure, there is a ridiculous amount of corruption and poker palaces, but when you can do this:

day after day after blessed, lazy day, who cares who's putting their money where? I sure didn't. What we did do, a lot of, was the lazing. A lot. See?

Any time I felt stressed for whatever reason, I just drove down this road:

and thought "Shit. It is beautiful here." "Dh? Isn't fucking amazing here?" because when you see blue like that you know that God herself meant for you to throw some red letter words in there. She likes that.

I wish I could tell you that we did more than eat and drink and beach, but we didn't. My mission was fully accomplished. I went to the spa. I went to not 1 but 2 disgustingly opulent brunches with champagne and crab legs and raw oysters and ate pickled mangoes until I thought I was gonna die.

And we chewed the betel nut. Thanks, Derwin! He's the supplier of the nut. Have y'all tried that shit? It makes you all warm and spinny and squeaky. And it's legal. Red teeth are a small sacrifice, I say.

See these girls? Coconuts were shaken. Hips were gyrated. I looked at all these little girls half naked surrounded by people who thought there wasn't a damn thing wrong with it, agreed, and thought "Fuck you, pedophiles!" and that Americans are way too uptight. Cultural dress has been cheapened by the likes of Britney Spears.

And a good time was had by all. It kind of sucks to be back home at our dreary base, but I love the bed. And we've only got two months left here. TWO MONTHS! Our hotel bed was like a rock. Now, I am neither particularly bony, nor particularly sleepless, but when you wake up the next morning with bruises on the front of your hips from trying to sleep on your stomach, that's a hard bed. A friend likened it to a "dang 'ole concrete slab with a sheet on it."

I can't seem to focus. Look at the spa! Me! At the spa! Where they do Asian massages! And bring you pink drinks! Spa! Spa! I need to find a job where I can do this all the time.

What an amazing long and winding blog post. Seems I've forgotten how to use this thing, the blog and the internet. Amazingly detailed stories to follow.