I have many bad habits that I'd like to leave behind, just wriggling and wriggling until there I am, shiny and new, minus said embarrasing acquisition.

The other night, dh and I were watching some medical show - one of the people in the box had to have an injection, and before the doctor had to administer the needle, she flicked it. Flick, flick. I didn't really notice that I took note of it, as I was more preoccupied that the needle had to go into the unwilling participant's NECK!

After unhinging myself from the ceiling, where I perched crazily, we went about our dailies. No harm, no foul, right?

Yesterday, at lunch, I was attempting to put sweet and low into my ice tea. It's getting humid here, so the powdery sugary badness was dispersed throughout the bag evenly. A huge pain in the ass, if you're planning to rip off the top, as I was. How, oh how, to get the sugar to the bottom of the bag, since the usual shake shake shake, shake shake shake (shake your booty - I hate that word. Don't ask me why.) didn't work?

Before I knew what I was doing, I watched my right hand go up to the bag that my left hand was holding. My fingers took on a life of their own and Flick, Flick. 2nd bag? Right approaches left...flick, flick. So now my hands have taken it upon themselves to imitate medical procedure. Who the hell did they think they were?

As if this weren't incident weren't peculiar enough, last month, I yelled at a child who was clearly trying out new facial expressions. Every time someone said something she deemed as shocking (which was damn near everything. Addition? Shock. Story time? Awe? Lining up? Shock. Lunch Time? Awe.) she'd bug her eyes out and allow her jaw to gape to the table, emitting a squeal of glee. Every. Damn. Time. I told her to cut it out, or go to the nurse and get her facial muscles checked.

Later that evening, I realized that I too was guilty of the same thing. *Hypocrite alert!* Not once, but twice, I had filched facial expressions from TV SHOWS. Can you motherfucking believe that? And I call myself one of a kind. For SHAME!

It might be forgivable and less embarrassing were they TV shows that...well, you be the judge of that.

Stolen Expression Number 1:

1.) Kelly Kapowski, Saved By the Bell. In the opening credits, there's a beaming Kelly who blinks slowly with a bemused grin before looking up into the eyes of her captor (Zack! No! Slater! No! Zack! No!)and unleashing a full wattage smile. Shy, yet beckoning. I had that shit down to an art. I practiced in the car on the way to my job interviews.

2.) Grace Adler, Will and Grace. Also in the opening credits (of last season), there is an almost nauseatingly cute gesture Grace makes, where she feigns surprise Betty Boop style, opening her eyes and mouth really wide, all three in perfect O's. She then looks to the side while simultaneously covering her mouth with an open hand and bringing her shoulders upwards. ALL! AT! THE! SAME! TIME! Like that Felix the Cat Clock with the swinging tail.

I've whipped those babies out many times during karaoke and begging for money, And feigning surprise, and...breathing... Before I can even stop myself. It's like an addiction.

Hi, My name is Alex, and steal all my gestures from television and yell at kids for doing what I do.

Maybe my parents should've let me watch more TLC or Discovery Channel and I'd be a doctor. Or a monkey. Could go either way.