1. And checkin' it twice, yes I am.
2. Why? No damn time. Well, this isn't my computer and I can't damn well hog it after making O.E.O. (bowing, bowing, always bowing) and C.D. get away from it, can I? That would make me a BAAAAD step-mom.
3. Looking for a guide to teenagers? Well, look no further. Just don't look here. Because they are inexplicably frustrating. And angsty. We asked O.E.O. (still prostrate over here) to get us a beer. He refused, saying that he (and I motherfucking quote) "didn't believe in getting alcohol for adults. It's a poison." (can you believe that shit? End quote) Okay. That's cool. I can dig it. He's taking a stand. The very next day, dh was making margaritas, which requires tequila. O.E.O. (bow wow wow) said that he liked it, so dh handed it to him, thinking he would take a good look because ALCOHOL IS A POISON, remember? The kid takes the bottle, knocks it back and then glug, glug, glug! proclaims that you have to "hit it like a man," Umm, hello? Is this Ripley's What the Fuck? because I have a new entry for you.
4. I adore my mother in law. Yesterday we had SPA day at Nordstroms. Do you know what that is, dahlings? It means they charge you $35.00, give you a glass of cheap champagne, and let someone do your hair, makeup, and hands. Translation: We went to the mall so somebody could make us look like hookers. It was great. Very relaxing. It took me about 4 hours to pry the make-up off my face, but that's okay, because we went to a casino and won $50.00.
5. I have been very seduced by the "look" of my fellow Americans. Follow me here. After living on a military base, everything is rather homogenized. Men all have short hair. They're all a certain age, nobody is grossly different. Seattle is full of eye candy. And I don't mean the kind like dh, either. Dh actually got mad at me yesterday because I couldn't stop staring at people. Inconspicuous, I never said I was.
6. Clock's ticking kiddies. Y'all wouldn't want a hypocrite on your hands, would you? Stay tuned.
Hell if you find that guide please let me know because I'd be dying to have one! Spa days are cool, the boyfriend and I will be having one before he comes back off leave in August, he'll be off for a month *ggrrr*
That's why I love San Diego because luckily all the guys are somewhat different, but when I went to Camp Pendleton for Ryan's Staff NCO graduation everyone looked the same and I pretty much lost him cause I was in a sea of buzz cuts and uniforms! But I'll admit I loved it.
For a small fee (expenses + a case of something containing barley and hops) I will gladly whip this OEO fellow into shape for you.
I have a rigorous system -- a program involving twice-daily beatings with a wooden baseball bat (if you go for the 'plus package' I can upgrade to aluminum and at 'super-gold-ultra' its a gold-plated crowbar that says "pimp" all over it). Additionally I will repeatedly remind him, as he is transformed into a bloody pulp, that "angst" doesn't make him cool or edgy, it makes him whiney and annoying.
Also, since he is obviously lame (Alcohol is Poison? "hit it like a man?" what!?), I will teach him to be cool, through verbal abuse and also through electro-shock therapy.
If none of this works, I know a back-alley "doctor" in New York who can perform a lobotomy real cheap, only $52 Bangladeshi Rupees... Say farewell to personality disorders (and personality for that matter).