Imagine my motherfucking delight and surprise (tangent...speaking of cursing - dh tends to shudder, because he thinks I sound uneducated, which, I probably do, but For FUCK'S sake, why does it sound better when it's in a song? I mean, the 'n' word isn't cursing per se, but Kanye West sure does make it sound catchy, don't he? I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke...well shit, Mr. West, my kids do phonics every day, and if you think some little kid can't rhyme with DIGGER, you're a sorry motherfucker. What was I talking about?)

Oh yeah. My delight and motherfucking surprise when I tried to get dressed this morning and put on some green chinos and what to my wondrous eyes did appear?

CELLULITE! THROUGH THE FUCKING PANTS!

If that ain't a kick in the pants right there, I don't know what is. I mean, next thing you know, I'll have to be wearing pants out of a nice, sturdy fabric. Tell me what you associate with sturdy, quick. And don't tell me it's all pretty and frilly.

Who the fuck invented cellulite anyway?

ASSHOLE.

Have you seen any guy's butts that look like this?

'Cuz I sure as hell haven't. That's not even that much cellulite, but I'm just saying.

Dh seems to think this has been brought on by my lack of sleep. He told me I was "smoking crack" as I am wont to do, I guess.

Ain't no sleep delirium here.

I pulled my pants down and showed him the cellulite.

New Theme Song? Watch it wiggle, when it jiggles...

He's helping me to go to bed early by watching golf on TV. My GOD, I LOVE THIS MAN.

Additionally, why don't they make a "Turning 30" Barbie? New! With saggy breasts and strategically placed cellulite!