Right now, dh is watching "AlexAHNder" - because you need the british accent, baby, on his computer, while I am listening to N'Sync's number one hits on AOL on mine. Guilty Pleasures, yes? And if you ever meet me in person and say, "Hey Alex, remember the time you..." so help me keeper of little children, I will look at you like you just snorted a 100 dollar bill out of your nose. Well, maybe not like that, because that would be weird but STILL fortuitous,and I'd probably pick up the money with my teeth, we are so poor and be like, "TELL.ME.MORE" but maybe more like, "Who the FUCK are you?" a la Fifth Element and CHRIS ROCK. Who was a genius in that movie and I SO want to be him for Halloween, but I'm not going to dress up because two of my students are Jehovah's Witnesses and well, I don't want them to be like "GOD? She didn't respect our rights." when I get up to the pearly whites. Also? Cross Dressing? Not so cool for a first grade teacher.

So, L.A.M.B. and I went to dinner with some chickies she knows tonight. The feeling of alienation that I felt in Japan was just magnified a million times. I felt old. FRUMPY. POOR. and did I say OLD? Single girls, newly married girls, newly manicured and pedicured and tanned girls. And I just sat there and thought, "WAIT. WAIT." Because L.A.M.B. and I were talking, and marriage is motherfucking hard. I don't care if you're the husband OR the wife. Choosing to live your whole life with one whole person is probably the hardest thing in the whole world to do. Whereas in Japan I was the big money bacon maker, now I'm rubbing my pennies together to keep my feet warm. Frustration MAXIMUS.

I am ACTIVELY searching other job avenues. I would like to travel. I would like to feel smart. I would like not to be micromanaged. Do y'all think I'm asking too much? Because I don't.

My biggest discovery at 30 so far has been that I'm not an overly devoted teacher - I want to be good at what I do. No matter what it is.

That, and if I'm going to look like Lucy (who I'll tell y'all about later), I need to get off my ass. Help me Help you. Tell me to shut the fuck up and go to the gym.

Prayer of the Day: Dear God, Please help me to be LESS addicted to raw cookie dough. I love Jello, but watch it wiggle when it jiggles is not the theme song I want for my ass. Okay? Thanks. Oh. And please help me to physically restrain myself from taping that child to HIS DAMN CHAIR because he doesn't know what sit down means until the veins are popping out of my forehead. Thanks and Kyrie Eleison.