Maybe not so much mean as angry.
If you're full up with the Christmas Spirit?
Don't read any further.
Just click on the "x" up there and consider it my gift to you.

This has got to be the crappiest Christmas ever.
EVER.
Our house is undecorated.
Dh quit his job.
I'm leaving to go to New York so we'll be separated AGAIN while he sits here, seeking employment.

His boss accused him of stealing, so he quit. To date, she has accused EVERY person in her employment of stealing because she has a "mental method" of calculating sales/cash inflow and she finally accused him. I say finally, because he lasted there six weeks with a clean slate. She is one crazy bitch.

I wish he would come with me for Christmas, but he won't. We were supposed to go to his mother's for Christmas and ran the other way screaming when we saw the price of the tickets. Not to mention that we were also calculating in the amount of money that would be spent on the Incredible Sulk and C.D. Food, gifts, travel expenses, etc. After this summer, and no high paying jobs on the horizon, we decided our finances were tapped.

My parents graciously offered to buy us tickets, and I refused until he told me to leave (because he would be working) and then I accepted one ticket - for myself. Not knowing that he would quit his job last night, therefore leaving me to get on the plane, racked with guilt because I am leaving him alone. Which he is none too happy about, but I didn't find out about until we were fighting because really I should've figured it out but I didn't, making me feel like the WORST. WIFE. EVER. I already took that award the last two years running. Maybe I can go for a third. Happy Holidays!

At this point, I have no idea what direction we are going in. None. Not only that, but I can't really see a way out. I believe he is married to this idea of working at a club vs. restaurant - and it was all fun and games until I realized just what kind of people are out at 3:00 in the morning. Santa won't be visiting them this year.

Communication between us is terse, at best. He said he was happy when he came home last night, but exhaustion leads to defensive behavior and arguments. Sometimes I feel like he hates me every day, because I brought him here. I honestly thought I was making the best decision for us - but 4 months into the deal, I see that I was sorely mistaken.

Whispers of better job offers come in, but are slow in materializing. Not to mention that they place yet more academic and intellectual demands on my already harried pace. My old principal called and said that they would be opening up a foreign language job at the school - in which case they could get me back there next year. The only catch? It's in Mandarin Chinese! All I would do is have to get certified. While I did study Mandarin for five years A HELL OF A LONG TIME AGO, I am in no shape to take a certification test right now. It would probably be reminiscent of my Japanese skills - not an ideal communication level for teaching children.

My parents are of the conviction that this is just a tough time in our relationship, but I just don't know if we'll make it. And I don't really know what to say about that.

I guess that will be my Christmas wish.

Not to feel so defeated.