I bet y'all thought I died and went to...
WAIT.
Don't answer that.
Suffice it to say that I bet y'all just thought I died.
Actually, I came up to visit Momma and Daddy and Grandmommie in all their snowy, freezy goodness.
And I slept.
Like the dead.
For days upon end.
Which are almost over, because a very sad me not only gets back on the plane tomorrow, but also returns to work (kicking and screaming and yelling expletives all the way) on Monday. Thankfully, the God of Academics has blessed us with a work day. No snotty noses until Tuesday.

I find that every time I come up to Western New York, I am struck speechless by the difference in appearance of the people compared to other states. In Charlotte, most are rich and tan and beautiful. Even you, L.A.M.B., 1 year old daughter and all. In Western New York, the girls are tan and...and...well, orange, and look like they got dressed in the dark, some of them. Those low rise jeans? Are not to be worn two sizes too small. And those Uggs? And big furry boots? Really do make you look like Snuffleupagus, I don't care how much they cost. The scariest thing I saw, by far, was the combination of bad trends - to span the ages, even! There is no decade discrimination, here. Blonde mullet, Big Bangs, BLUE EYESHADOW, Low Rise Jeans, BIG FURRY PINK BOOTS, a tiny sweater, and I was so distracted by all this, I didn't see the rest. Would that I had a camera. My retinas have been scorched permanently. Our State Motto should run along the lines of: Western New York: Where fashion trends come to mate and die. Or something like that. Pretend I'm funny, y'all won't you?

And while you're doing me favors, please to explicate. Why the HELL was Tom Cruise on the BET awards? That's like Michael Jackson (insert funny joke here). No, really. He was 1 of 3...ahem...caucasian presenters on there. Why not somebody a little more, uhh...indicative of those with white skin? Was he there to scold Jada for her use of postpartem depression drugs? Reenact his jumping on Oprah's couch (which I STILL have not seen, to this day)? WHAT? WHAT IN THE SAM HILL (and who is Sam Hill, anyway?) was he doing on that show? How proud Katie must be. And their relationship gives me more heebie-jeebies than Jessica and her Daddy and her boobies.

Dh has a new job, thank the good lord of jobgiving. He's bartending at a Japanese restaurant. If y'all thought I was jealous before, you ain't seen nothing yet (bum, bum, no no no no no you ain't seen nothing yet...this music moment definitely not brought to you by VH1). I think about him eating edamame and miso soup and salmon skin rolls, and it's all I can do not to salivate my way down to the restaurant. I sincerely doubt his employee discount could stop the damage I would do by eating my weight in sashimi (and that was so much funnier in my head). We'll have to see tomorrow, as Alex eats it all.

Good Night and Have a FUCKING AWESOME tomorrow.