As I was grading math tests today, in a 2nd grade classroom, I heard the kids mention Chinese Freeze Tag. Doing exactly what I had told them not to do, I interrupted and said, "What makes it Chinese? What do you do?" They informed me that when tagged, you had to stand with your legs open and to get unfrozen, somebody had to crawl through your legs. Ever the teacher, I retorted with this: "I've been in China plenty of times, and I have never seen a Chinese person, NOT! ONE! crawl through somebody else's legs. Or play tag." They told me that maybe a Chinese person made the rules. All I could think of was Mao's prepubescent army with their Red Books and chinaman coats running around playing tag. It just does not make sense to me that a culture known for bound feet, which are extremely painful, would be responsible for this particular kind of play. And then it dawned on me. How many things associated with childhood are racist in nature. I mean, TELL! ME! you haven't heard this one:
(And just like Larry the Cable Guy that someone has so graciously been sending me but I won't say who because I said I would be quiet about it says, "Dear Lord, I apologize for perpetuatin' racist stereotypes and southern accent here can't understand pygmies and somethin' else.)
Me Chinese. Me Play joke.
Me put pee pee in your Coke.
Now, maybe I'm a bit sheltered or a tad naive here, but I have known many Chinese people throughout my life and I have never known them to speak like this, or put pee in my Coke. (There was a kid I went to school with, Ed, but he was ABC. American Born Chinese. That's a horse of a different color. He spoke with a Californian accent and worked at the Red Lobster down the way. He didn't pee in cokes, either. He would spit in your food if you pissed him off, though) Now that I think about it, my school experiences were positively peppered with little rhymes and dittys that look down on most of the Asian races. I remember another one that went like this:
Chinese Japanese Dirty Knees Look at These. Upon which, the reciter would put his or her fingers at the corner of his or her eyes and pull them, to make them slanted. I don't think I could have been less offensive had I...I don't know. I just spent the last thirty seconds trying to think of something, and nothing popped up. But think about it. What is the reasoning behind this?
For those of you that DON'T know, I'm not being racist here. I am of SEVERELY mixed ethnicity and will sing a song about anyone. I even sang this one to my friend the other day:
*ahem* To be sung to the tune of "Born in the USA."
I was BORN in de pilipines. I was born down in da pinoy town, just a biting cocks and a running around!" That's a Quino Baca classic right there, folks, and I am SO allowed to sing it at the top of my lungs if I damn well please because this blonde IS out of a bottle and I am philippina! So put that in your pipe and smoke it. What kind of stupid logic is that, anyway? I am allowed to insult my race/sex/hair color because I OWN that race/sex/hair color. That's a whole 'nother rant, though.
Just the other day? When I went with the high school kids on the art field trip? I watched a young man whose own skin tone rivals that of my skim milk open the window and yell to another person of untan descent: "Hey! Cracker! What's happening?" Them's smarts right there. I just spent 20k that I'll probably be paying for until I drown in my kitchen trying to lick up the wine I spilled in a drunken stupor off the floor why?
I think scientists, instead of cloning, should preoccupy themselves with creating new ethnicities and/or ridiculous skin colors. I know! They could be made out of latex. We could all wear them. Blue light special, Aisle 456! Look hispasian! Philifranco! SinoSaminian!
Yeah. I need some more wine.