Apparently, I can scare the shit out of little kids. Witness:
Chocolate Factory: Why are you so popular?
LB: What do you mean?
Chocolate Factory: I mean, why are you so popular? All the girls chase you. Everybody likes you!
LB: I don't know! What are you talking about?
Chocolate Factory: I mean! WHY! ARE! YOU! SO! POPULAR! ?
TCWH: (patiently waiting to start lesson while Chocolate Factory tries to steal some of LB's mojo) Because he's (insert boy's name here)Big Smile. *ping* Now...
Chocolate Factory: (rudely interrupting) Was I TALKING to YOU?
17 little kids in unison: OOOOH!!!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?
TCWH: GLARING LIKE I'VE NEVER FUCKING GLARED BEFORE, INTIMIDATING SMILE PASTED ON MY FACE, MIND YELLING AT THE KID THAT IF HE WERE ANY FUCKING CLOSER TO ME I WOULD PULL OUT HIS ESOPHAGUS THROUGH HIS SKIN AND EAT IT FOR SNACK (served at 10:30, daily)
Chocolate Factory: (fumbling) (mumbling) I...I..I was just kidding. I... meets my look of shut the fuck up you stupid smart assed little peon.
TCWH: PERFECTING LOOK OF DEATH AND I WILL SO MAKE YOU EAT SHIT FOR THIS. A PLAGUE ON YOUR BOWELS!
Chocolate Factory:I...I...I...have to go to the bathroom! Quick exit stage right. He didn't come back until lunch.
Serves him right. If that were my kid, I would've smacked him so hard his nipples would've fallen off.
you're crazy. but worth reading. i work with two year olds all day.... i relate somewhat only in the sense that I WANT TO THROW MOST OF THEM AT THE WELL SO HARD THEY DONT GET BACK UP. should I tell their parents?
"smacked him so hard his nipples would've fallen off". Now that's funny right there, I don't care who ya' are.
Laura,
I know I'm crazy. I think you'd be surprised at how passive I am in real life. That's what I love about this blog! I can EMBELLISH. It makes it easier to look back on those moments and laugh.
R,
I think I traumatized the poor kid. Today, everytime he was about to make a smart ass remark? I'd look at him and he'd say, "Umm. nevermind." in a very small voice. The will of a child. What a wonderful thing to break. :)
H,
I'm glad you liked it! I struggled a little bit with it. Afraid someone might call child services on me or some shit. I was about to say that they landed on the floor like two little hershey's kisses, but that would definitely be going too far.
X,
I just finished my certification and degree, so technically, YES I am a teacher, but I'll be damned if I can get in a classroom!
SC,
Believe me. I had to physically restrain myself. I was LIVID. What are parents teaching their kids these days?