You know, if I were a rapper, I would really suck at it.
I have no oral rhythm. (SHUT THE FUCK UP you gutter perverts! You know what I mean!) I mean, I have this theory. White people can either rap or dance. Eminem. Rap. No dance. Vanilla Ice. Dance. No rap. I can dance. At least, I think I can. Especially after several libations (preferably with no little umbrella. They just slow me down.) . Y'all would think that I could sing. Especially because I have the Philippina blood. I don't know about y'all, but I am of the opinion that there are a great many Philipinos makin' their bacon by singing. And they are damn good too! When I was in the motherland? I bought a bunch of cheap ass tapes. It took me two weeks. TWO WEEKS! To figure out that they were not in fact Mariah Carey/Merrill Bainbridge/Led Zeppelin (I was going through a thing. Gimme a break. Kit Kat please. And don't expect me to reimburse you on the postage) and realize that they were knockoffs. However, I am not so ethnetically (Shh. Not a typo. Don't tell.) blessed. While not as tone deaf as DAD, who can play a mean flute, I still try not to sing in public. It'll steam the hair off your arms. So if you're a girl, maybe you wanna stop by and I'll sing you a tune. Some of them men, too. I saw some hairy backs at the pool today, and I would consider it a public service if you would let me sing to you.
But back to me and rapping. I watch Making the Band II reruns all day long (and I cannot STAND P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or Sean John or whatever the hell is name is. And they say women are persnickety? Yes, I did actually use that word. Get me some cheesecake!) , but it is in vain, because I just suck at this kind of self expression. Suckiest of the suck.
Yup folks, these are the things that I am left to ponder alone. Aren't you glad I decided to share? I've got some left overs, too. Come over. Random thoughts brought to you by TCWH. Which, I found out yesterday also stands for: something something with herbs.
TCWH: 100% HEMMING AND HAWING 100% OF THE TIME. Throw in some randomness and it's ALL FUN ALL THE TIME! Ummm...Which way is up?
How funny! You think you can dance too? I've been accused of the "white girl shuffle" a few times, but I have also been accused of "shaking mah groove thang."
But I can sing. Just ask the karaoke guy.
Vanilla Ice. Dance. No rap.
You have no oral rhythm and can't play the flute? You're killing me, A, just KILLIN' me...
And, for the record, some guys can't help the hairy back thing...it's genetic...or that's what I keep telling myself while I use my electric razor on a stick.
Rose,
Actually, i'm pretty sure I can dance. My college boyfriend told me to quit dancing like a slut, which, in my mind, equals success!
Psst. H, that's what they have waxing and all that shit for. Do you think women were born hairless? Beauty is a process, my friend. A long, painful, expensive, pain in the ass one.