I'm about to lay the smack down on my apartment. I think she's a girl, and we are definitely having some issues up in here. First of all? I know I haven't been working out lately, but my clothes still fit, so you know I'm not blowing up like the motherfucking good year blimp or anything, but my apartment, she has taken to rattling the furniture every time I walk from the dining room to the kitchen. Yeah, we'll see who's boss, bitch.
Don't even get me started on the kitchen light bulbs. Remember all those stories you heard about coke bottles stuck in NO NO orifices? That had to be removed by a professional? That hard to get out. JUST GIVE UP THE FUCKING LIGHTBULB! I'll bring you two shiny new ones. I'm just damn stubborn enough to eat in the dark, but seeing that I can't see shit, like when I spill or what the hell can I'm opening, I've had beanie weens and baby corn the last two nights in a row. No, not really, but I'm just sayin'. It seems the whole damn base is in on the get TCWH off her all ploy. Witness:
1.) Lights go out.
2.) TCWH inquires of neighbor what to do. Neighbor says, "Call maintenance."
3.) TCWH thinks better of it and calls AT's husband.
4.) He laughs and says, "Go to self-help."
5.) TCWH sits in dark and eats crappy dinner.
6.) Today, after school, TCWH goes to self help.
7.) Self help say, "We have lightbulbs. Bring in your old ones."
8.) TCWH picks up orders, faxes teaching certificate application, and mails disgustingly heavy boxes to dh, then comes home and attacks lightbulbs.
9.) On the way to kitchen, FUCKING! FURNITURE! RATTLES! ARGH! TCWH screams: I'm not going to have time to exercise if you keep breaking shit! Who are you? Limp Biscuit?!"
10.) TCWH stands on chair. TCWH holds breath, as chair is also government issued and therefore in cahoots with the evil apartment bitch. TCWH fiddles with lights.
11.) NOT A DAMN THING.
12.) TCWH contemplates another night of darkness and dinner.
13.) And curses.
14.) And gets her ultimate revenge by BLOGGING about it.
FUCKING A CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK!