I don't really know where I've been y'all. Here and there. I guess I haven't blogged as of late for two reasons.
1.) I'm embarrassed of my behavior and I just don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to tell you all, because I think that you would be upset and frustrated with me, too. Let's just move on, shall we?
2.) Blogging, up until now, has served as a reward for me finishing my school work. I HAVE NOT BEEN FINISHING MY SCHOOL WORK. I look at the book. I sleep. I think about the book. I sleep. Have I been doing the damn work? No. It's a three page paper for fuck's sake. I should be able to write that in my sleep. Right? Right! Right? WRONG. I'm just not feeling the motivation. I kind of wish that someone would come over and light a fire under my ass.
3.) I'm quitting drinking. Looking back on my life, there are just too many incidents that I think "God, that really could have screwed something up" not to mention would not have made me so stressed out that I throw up and don't eat for three days straight. It's just not worth it for me anymore. I always tell everyone else to take responsibility for their actions. I guess I should take responsibility for my own. If you're one of the people that I've hurt, I'm sorry. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive. For a long time, I thought that I wouldn't be funny, or relaxed, or brilliant or anything, that I would just be a bore, but I realize, too, that these are also extensions of my personality. I was made the way I am for a reason, I guess. When your alcohol alter-ego starts to take over, then it's time to quit. It's not like I'm fucking catwoman and getting paid to do this shit. So I quit. Wanna celebrate with me? Let's have some ginger ale. I tried that non-wine wine, and it tastes like grapes and dirty feet. I may no longer be a drinker, but I still have some damn taste.
4.) I am so over myself. Let's just all kick back and have fun, okay? Now you just pretend that I told y'all a really funny joke and we'll laugh together, okay?
I'm a non-drinker and I pretty much always have been. I know it's not easy to stop but it's better for you in the long run. Congrats on your decision! Good luck on following through! And most importantly...spend some of that "drinking" money on something fun for yourself!!!
As the child of a non-drinker and periodic non-drinker myself, let me just tell you that I'm behind you in any decision you choose to make that will influence your quality of life.
They make good Iced Tea at the sushi joint!
Hang in there.
Kudos.
I made the same call several years ago when I realized I had a line item in my budget for alcohol. I figured that could be an indicator that a problem could be on the horizon.
I can't say that I've quit completly, but it definitely isn't a focus anymore. It's not an issue. Now instead of counting how many drinks I have a day or week, it's more like how many drinks have I had over the last three months. Current count - five.
On another note, Mike's Hard Lemonade will make you write some really "soppy" shit!
By the way I really liked the "...it tastes like grapes and dirty feet..." line!
Hmm Well, My parents have never drank... alcohol that is.. atleast not when they grew up and had us kids. So because of that all of us kids turned into alcoholic party freaks... (Guess it doesn't matter HOW you raise them Mr Bush).. But .. like you I reached a point where I realized I was drinking for no reason other than to drink. No social events.. I just wanted to 'be drunk'... And then *I* grew up and realized that infact it's making my life worse.. the problems I'm avoiding are not going away.. I went from drinking every night for 2 years to not drinking at all.. partial alcoholic?
Anyway.. I can social drink now and I'm ok.. except that my meds don't allow me to drink.. but I'm ok with that too.. I'm just as much fun sober as drunk...
Hang in there Alex.. love you tons!
Good luck on giving up drinking. Maybe the blog can become the reward for everytime you don't drink instead?
Well I wish you the best! It's ironic that when I look at all of the things in my life that have brought embarrassment or trouble, it always seems to be alcohol. Some of the things aren't even alcohol related necessarily, but alcohol was there to light the fuse! As Homer Simpson says "Here's to alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." Cheers.
Congrats on quitting! :) My hubby's trying to do the same thing right now. He made the decision when he started saying he needed a "trash can" to sleep at night. (Trash cans are those really tall cans of beer. Like a Big Gulp size. LOL)
Good luck on not drinking!!
I quit a few years ago...I love remembering stuff I did the night before now LOL...
In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence... and loathing seizes him.