Did I mention that maybe I am NOT SO SMART for staying in the States so long? I am jet-lagged with a capital "I AM SO FUCKING TIRED MY BRAIN STOPS WORKING AT 12!" Which really isn't conducive to those afternoon meetings, by the way. Hi, my name is Alex, I'm supposed to be your child's teacher, and I can't even figure out what day to get back so that I can lift my head off my desk past morning circle. I know, I know little things. Suck it up. But in the wee hours of the morning, I am WIDE *ping ping* awake. And my stream of conciousness is enough to drive anybody crazy. Wanna see?
Ungodly hour: Eyes pop open involuntarily. "Hmmm. I have to get ready for 24 kids. I should definitely use the rectangular tables. Yeah, Yeah. Rectangular, definitely. Definitely rectangular. Oh my God, do we have enough of those? I mean, the classroom already looks like a hurricane hit it, we lost the volunteers, and now I need somebody to do some more work? Wait, I can lift those by myself, right? Right? Right? Speaking of which, dumbass, when's the last time you worked out? Worked out? Pheh! When's the last time I ate? When's the last time THEY ate? When do I have to feed them? Will they have enough space to eat snack if I use the triangular tables and put six at each? Or will it be all elbows and hands and fingers in each other's snacks and eyes? I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SNACK LIST! What if the parents don't like me? I have got to stop going out in public. Note to self: Do more shopping in Japanese Supermarkets. Spend more time off base. Nobody knows you there. Note to self: DO not make ass out of self in public. Little late for that, ain't it Alex? Okay, okay. Let's put this in perspective. They have kids. Maybe they stay home. Maybe they make asses out of themselves in public! Public property. Can I go into that classroom and get that easel with the bigass notebook paper? How do I ask the principal for that? 'Excuse me sir? Can I get some bigass notebook paper?' What's the real name? What's the REAL NAME? Do they KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEIR NAMES?"
This is all in about 30 seconds. Can you imagine living with my brain right now, y'all? And this is minus coffee or any caffeine or even chocolate or cocaine or crack! Somebody make it stop! Let me get off! Let me get off!
The ridiculousness of this situation is that I am stressing myself out to thin and bones and I don't even have the job yet. My papers are stuck in headquarters. Like any government job, there is an excessive amount of dunh, dunh, dunh DA....RED TAPE! No, wait. Tell me you were really surprised, okay?
My little moment of zen? On the side right there? Not doing jack shit for me. I can't make my brain stop long enough to do Yoga or any type of relaxing exercise, and right now, I'm thinking that hanging off the pigeon netting outside the building swaying in the breeze (even though there is none, because it is hot and still outside, but you know, maybe I could get some momentum, like a hammock or something.) might not be so bad! I like netting. I like hammocks. I could swing. Like a monkey. Instead of climbing the walls.
Ummm, I'm going to give myself a lobotomy. I'll be back in a few.