Yeah, y'all know me. Not only am I a (the comments) WHORE (herself), but I am EVIL, too. Hey, I'm multi-faceted like that. I put it under "skills" on my resume.
I remember laughing when dh's mom's boyfriend referred to me to the stepsons as "the evil stepmonster." Not very original, but 100% accurate, y'all, and I'll share why. Not interested? If you're from BE, you got 30 seconds. Where you gonna go? Hunh hunh hunh? Yeah, I'm all in your face with my OPAAA! Zesty Cucumber Pita Chips breath. Whatcha gonna do? Hunh?
Allow me to demonstrate a handy little habit I picked up from the military: stating the obvious. Christmas is coming. For those of you who have kids, live with kids, work with kids, breathe near kids, torture kids, you know that this dreaded holiday, for many of us, has turned into a gimme gimme. And if you are the .1% blessed with children who know how to say "thank you,"...what are you feeding them? That's abnormal. We, are not.
What we are blessed with is the dreaded species of male child known as the teenager. If we thought it was bad when he started going through puberty early which resulted in no physical changes, just the hormonal rollercoaster, we were wrong. We couldn't have been any wronger. Now that he is a teenager? He not only knows everything, he will argue with us until we are dead about how right he is. In honor of this, I will call him O,EO (Oh, Enlightened ONE.) and bow down every time after I type it. Hang on, bowing.
On the phone with O,EO (bowing). We ask him what he wants for Christmas. "A gaming system," he retorts, stubbornly. Dh calmly tells him that we don't do that. Mean? PSHAW. I am a firm believer of the "get off your ass and go outside and interact with other people and play" vein of parenting. Not to mention that their mother, who by her own admission is unable to say no, has already purchased them every electronic gadget known to man/child/human, for fuck's sake. But we're not talking about her. So how does O,EO (wait, bowing again) thank dh for sending him money for braces and a brand new jacket and asking him what he wants for christmas and therefore displeasing him? When dh says, "I love you," he just "mmmffs." "MMMMFFFF!"
In light of O,EO's reaction (bow, bow, bow) , I proposed that we give the gift that never stops giving. Namely, that of charity. "Let's donate $200.00 to a charity of their choice in their name! Put it in a big shiny card! Send it to them!" I cackled, rubbing my hands together like I'm some kind of certifiable maniac (Shut up. This isn't about me. Well it is, but not this part. Have a drink. Shut up.)
He may be a teenager, but I'm the evil step monster. Watch me work.
I like the charity idea. My kids have just about everything under the sun (including a 80's vintage Porche sitting in thier gradparents barn waiting for refurbeshment when they are ready to drive). What they lack is humility and respect for others less fortunate than themselves. You can never stop trying to teach this to them. I am stongly considering taking them to Mexico for some volunteer work so they can see what real poverty is, close up. I did it when I was in hs, taught me a lot about humility and how truely fortunate I am to live as an American.
Let his dad deal with him. Its not like the kid skipped gleefully out of your feminine bits. No Ma'am.
Now, as for this DH fellow... I would advise him to give that kid a smack across the face for Christmas. Hell, since he's not in the country, I'll even drop by and administer it for him...
Ho Ho Ho - I'll open up a can of Christmas Spirit on him... or was that a can of whoopass?
You know, I made it through four years of High School and a year and a half of college without owning any video games... then I got a job, bought a Game Cube, and watched my already dismal GPA go even further down the shitter. Thats how life should be.
Wanna be eviler? Send Savings Bonds.. They have to stare at them for 10 years before they get all of the money.. :D
That is the best idea ever. I never would've thought of it, but now if I ever have the opportunity, that's so what I'm doing to people who don't really deserve presents.
Alex,
I can relate to a certain extent. My husband and I were both previously married so we have a blended family. My husband has a 9 year old daughter and I have a 15 year old son and we have a 22 month old daughter together. My son is a pretty good kid...says thank you, etc. Not that he doesn't want everything under the sun! Stepdaughter on the other hand, all I can say is OMG while I'm ripping every single hair out of my head. Being a step parent is hard work. HARD WORK, I say. I can't even imagine what it will be like when she is a teenager. Somebody hold me! One thing you have to be thankful for, though. At least he doesn't live close enough to visit every other weekend. There's always a silver lining, if you look hard enough!
Another thing that helps me deal when she comes to visit is to have a bottle of wine handy and make sure my xanax prescription is filled!