Stepping inside the dreaded elevator yesterday to ferry myself downstairs to meet dh for lunch, I was overwhelmed AND I DO MEAN OVERWHELMED (as in, it was all I could do not to salivate a puddle of drool, which would've added nicely to the other gunk caked on the floor there, methinks) by the smell of Burger King. Oh Burger King. Widener of asses, flab-bringer to thighs, and expander of stomachs. That's when it hit me: It's a fucking conspiracy theory, y'all! I am SURE (and by sure, I mean DOWNRIGHT MOTHERFUCKING POSITIVE) that all the fast food joints have sold their souls to the devil (or Richard Simmons) to put a chemical in their food that makes the scent linger, temptingly, for DAYS.
Think about it: I cannot even begin to count how many times I have stepped in to a common area and been nasally assaulted by Burger King, McDonald's, Popeyes, Taco Bell, Anthony's Pizza, etc. etc. etc., ad nauseum. I mean, when's the last time you stepped into the elevator/hall/car and thought "M'mmmm celery! Carrots! Alex must have had a salivatingly awesome salad in here!" Ummm, never, because the healthy foods cower in the corner when it comes to smell factor. I am even more convinced of the soul-selling smell incident because of the fact that I can DIFFERENTIATE between McDonald's and Burger King and all those other heathen foods when stepping in the elevator. I mean, they're french fries, people. I should not be able to tell the difference. This from the girl who made an entire omelet out of rotten eggs before realizing that "something wasn't quite right". Obviously, I'm no Cyrano de Bergerac here in the olfactory department.
It IS a conspiracy. Down with deliciously different smelling fast foods. RAH, rah, rah. Where are you going? Hey, COME BACK! COME BACK!!!! I've got some carrots in the refrigerator!!!! They SMELL GREAT!!!! FRESH!!!!
Now this is too true. I don't know that I can smell the difference in fries but ya know what I hate...
When you do have to eat the gunk, and you eat it in the car and then someone leaves the damn bag in said car so next time you get in, you just want to puke from the lingering greasy smell. Now that sucks.
You know what? McDonald's fries smell... like salt.
It's ultra-weird, and falls in line with the conspiracy theory.
Salt by itself = no smell.
Salt on anything else = no smell.
Salt on McDonald's French Fries is the most intoxicating of fast food smells. I swear me to some God or other, those fries smell salty. And I dream about the first salty, oily morsel the whole time I'm smelling them.
And believe it or not, it's the God's honest truth that I haven't had one fast food french fry, sandwich, baked potato, frosty, potato cake, you name it, since we moved to Oklahoma. So that's like... four months.
FOUR MONTHS.
I want to smell McDonald's fries now.
totally. I really think its a conspiracy too. I think it's all planned, those greedy money hungry assholes. SO innocently it smells good, THEN you have ot actually eat it! and THEN you can't STOP eating it because it's on the way home from work and you're so tired and the dishes are dirty, and that $1 value menu is so cheap and simple and convenient.... then it turns into an everyday thing and... and... yes, Hi. i'm Laura, and i am addicted to sonic, to taco bell, and to mickey d's. I'm currently in recovery but my one downfall is still taco bell. Those grilled stuft burritos man........
YUM. I LOVE FAST FOOD.
You know that movie, "Supersize Me"? My then boyfriend left the movie disgusted with fast food. I left it craving chicken mcnuggets.
The one thing that keeps me from getting fast food all the time is that here in Boston, not all of them are drive-throughs. And I am lazy.
Ah, how I'm not fatter is continually a mystery to me.