Rainbow Trite | TCWH | Vanity, Thy Name is Hair

I have a hair appointment on Wednesday. I am afraid.
Looking back on my choices of hair styles, I have wavered from one end of the ugly spectrum to the other, and have always come back to the same thing: Long and Stringy. Well, long and stringy is all right if you're 22 years old and puking out in back of some bar *ahem*, but, well, I just think I should look more polished. I have decided to embarrass myself some more (READ: avoid writing at all costs) and take us all on a tour of my bad hair choices, of which there are many. Strap in.

Bad Hair, Year 6.

Were I a surf rat, I think this would be an excellent choice, accompanied by the thick gold chain and pre-wife beater tank. I secretly think Momma always wanted me to have an afro. This is my first (of many) perms gone bad.

Bad Hair, Year 7

This is my 3rd foray into the long and stringy look, and I must say it is exquisite. If you'll notice the size of the bikini top, I'd like to say that I am nearly 30 and Momma still buys me the same size. She says, "If ya got it, flaunt it," but I'm afraid I'll get arrested if I wear it out in public.

Bad Hair, Year 10

*sigh* Tom Wolfenden. 7th Grade Christmas Dance. Dh can barely look at this picture without laughing. "What are you doing here? Do you love this guy?" I just ignore him and concentrate on the hair. It seems here that I have opted for short and sassy, with a comb over that would make Donald Trump jealous.

Bad Hair, Year 14

Back to the long and stringy, imagine that. This one accompanied by feathered bangs and the tortured teenager black ensemble. Except for the boxer shorts. Because wearing those out in public was cool. Especially if they have watermelons on them. Yup.

Bad Hair, Year 16

Blah blah blah long and stringy blah blah blah bad bangs. Can we move on here? I will say that I look so freakishly happy here because I was on my senior trip. IN BRASIL!!!! I must have crawled there - which explains the holey jeans - by way of Chinatown, explaining the kung fu shoes.

Bad Hair, Year 19

Okay, okay, okay. I think this is one of the only times that I liked the hair. My best variation of long and stringy. So SHINY! Must have been all that alcohol I was drinking. Of course, the very next week I went to some hair show where a hairdresser with stubble on her chest said that I looked like a mop with legs and proceeded to chop it all off and dye it burgundy. My bangs went all the way back to the middle of my head. It was nice. Fortunately, no photos document that low point.

Bad Hair, Year 25

Dh thinks this is good hair, but trendy never seems to do right by me. I had one of my friends bleach just the front 1.5 inches of my hair just to piss my ex off. He said I wasn't allowed to because he had a friend, Tiffiani, formerly Tiffani (she added the extra 'i' to make herself more cool) who did the exact same thing and she was a slut, he said, so I was not allowed! I felt like I was 5 years late for Beverly Hills 90210.

And we all know where I am now. Back to long and spastically stringy. I had a boyfriend in highschool who told me to shave my hair off, promising that I would still be pretty, even if bald, ala Ms. O'Connor. He said that people would be so used to seeing me bald that when my hair did finally grow back, that I would LOOK! AMAZING! I told him not to patent that idea, but I am just this close to doing it. Then again, I was thinking of something red and flippy. But probably I'll just come back with blond and stringy, because, you know, I have no balls.

I've done the shave your head ala Sinead thing and it ain't pretty. And, it took about a year for me to be able to have a normal hairstyle again and my hair grows pretty fast. Long story - but, like your worst haircut ever, there is no photographic evidence.

Do they have salons with computer imaging places so you can have them put a bunch of different hairstyles on your head on the computer and least half way see how they would look?

Good luck!

comment by Rae at 10:43 PM on 12.27.04 [ link ]

I have problems with stringiness because my hair is really fine. I hate it. So I have to keep it cut short just so I look like I have some body in it.

I don't think all of your bad hair pictures actually show bad hair though.

comment by Kristie at 11:30 PM on 12.27.04 [ link ]

My hair was long and straight with no bangs most of the younger years. I have thick hair, I looked like Elvira.

Then I messed with perms and then I started messing with the shit that brought out red highlights. Then I got the perm from hell and my hair has stayed wavy ever since and this was *years* ago.

Infact I just dyed my hair dark auburn last night to cover all my greys ;) Your hair will look good no matter what you do to it.

My hair never looks good unless I pay them an arm and a leg in the salon to blow dry it for me as they bitch that I have so much hair ;)

comment by chrissie at 02:34 AM on 12.28.04 [ link ]

I have long layered hair, because I don't know what else to do with it since it is thick and I have so freaking much of it (think, like, Catherine Zeta-Jones' hair if nobody styled it EVER).. I threaten to bob it off every three months or so, and it is really goshdarn funny to see everyone's reaction when I say such a thing, esp. guys with which I'm currently involved, because they get all panicky and then revert to their (natura)l masochistic state wherein they tell me that girls MUST have long hair because apparently somewhere, it has been written in stone. Stupid. If I knew that my face wouldn't look as round as the moon if I did get a bob, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I mean, hair grows back. Unless you start losing it to stress like many of my friends.

comment by jacinthe at 05:26 AM on 12.28.04 [ link ]

Dude, I sympathize with the Afro. In 6th grade I saw "Dirty Dancing" and decided that I wanted to look just like Jennifer Grey. Unfortunately I had too many perms and I looked like Afro-Ken (the Japanese cartoon dog with the Afro- shiteru?) rather than Jennifer Grey.

comment by Toni at 05:31 AM on 12.28.04 [ link ]

I'm going through the same indecision right now. I'm trying to let The Hair grow out, but it's looking like ass in the process. If I were a more trusting soul, I'd just go to someone and tell them to "just clean it up a bit, and if you give me bangs, you'll be wearing those scissors in your nose."

comment by CAD Monkey at 10:13 AM on 12.28.04 [ link ]