All work and no play makes Alex a dull girl. Wait, wait, wait let me rephrase that: All work and no play makes Alex a dull blog. I'd most likely be crazy if I hadn't gone and gotten the piggies done today. But, in true helmet fashion, I nicked the polish as soon as I'd gotten them done. Murphy? Hello?
I had maybe 30 seconds to myself today during the school hours, and as I was walking, I tripped. A big trip. Another helmet trip. My face burned and my ankle hurt like hell, but it triggered a monstrous train of thought about moments that have not only made my face HOT but attached themselves to my psyche as damn near traumatic.
By far my most embarrasing moment was in 6th grade. The Spelling Bee. Momma had curled my hair the perfect curly and I had fashion forwardly paired my gray cord skirt with the pink long sleeved polo. I was stylin' yo. The spelling lady drawled the word, "HUMADOR." Not knowing a southern accent from a (insert appropriate and funny ending here) , I was stumped. With a capital "UMPED." So I spelled it like it sounded, with an A. Of course, my cigar aficionado self now knows that the evil vowel is in fact an I, but what can I say? I was sheltered. Humiliated that I, the representative for the gifted and talented class had been offed in the second round (after being made to spell 'cockleshell' in front of the entire high school) , I sought solace in Momma, who, as she beamed proudly informed me, "That was great your zipper was down the whole time."
And so we fast forward to 8th grade
Where your high school "rep" is made
Although long the popular crowd did I stalk,
They ignored me; I looked like an ewok.
With short curly hair attached to my head like a helmet,
The idea of gaining friends made me feel overwhelm -et.
But out of my brain one little idea I concocted.
Having no idea that it would end up with me being de frock - ted.
Part 1 of my plan was to wear my new Esprit Sweater
Part 2 of my plan was to befriend our class snake - what better?
Little did I know my plan would fail miser'bly
Til I looked down and saw that the snake had shat, dribbly.
I whisked myself away to my locker, mortified,
While the popular kids snickered, predictions fortified
I spent the rest of the day sweating in my pullover fleece.
And asked God to kill that snake, pleece, pleece.
What's an embarrassing moment for you?
Hope you aren't too sore today from your trip ;)
A Grand Helmet Moment:
At my best friends wedding, a bit tipsy and falling on the freaking dance floor. I had stockings on and I slipped on the edge of my dress... I am still teased about it. (My defense, my Grandma died 3 days earlier, I was lucky to even be at the reception.)
School: Well, I am still traumatized by this...
Brand new to FL from NY with my "thick" accent - which was enough for them to tease my dorky self.
I forgot my lunch money one day so my Mom comes to the bus stop but we are already loaded on the bus. She is honking behind the bus for them to wait and she gets ON the freaking bus, walks to the back and says "here honey, you can't not eat today, i love you" and walks off the bus!
I cannot tell you how freaking embarrassing that was, they razzed me so bad, I can remember wanting to jump out the back door with the bus moving!
4th grade. I was the class nerd. You know, the chunky frizzy headed girl who was more than a little goofy and overly sheltered so that she didn't know what was cool and what wasn't? I'd never even heard songs on the radio that weren't oldies.
S.H.E.L.T.E.R.E.D.
Anyway.
I did the classic "tuck the skirt into the back of the panty hose" thing on my most recent trip to the bathroom and then walked up to the front of the classroom to do a math problem on the board. Only I was wearing tights, not panty hose. And my underwear had cabbage patch kids on them.
I'd take the unzipped zipper any day.
Ya, i have to narrow this sucker down, because it's a daily basis. I'm going to give you three, because they're all pretty scary.
1. 6th grade, first "boyfriend". I was "going out" with my best friends ex-boyfriend right, and we were over at her house playing basketball with the boy, and I jumped up, and totally farted. And then, I was trying to cover it up by laughing and I just kept on farting! It was horrible.
2. High School. Hot lifeguards at the water park. I was tryin to show how lean, cute, and coordinating I was (which all but cute I am not :) ) and tried to swiftly swing my feet in front of me to go down the flume slide. Well, swinging forward off of a water slide doesnt really work, and instead of swinging, i FLOPPED my big old wet behind onto the part of the slidet hat's already got you sliding, and I ended up all lopsided andretarded going down the slide.
3. After me and dh were married out at the beach, we all went out to dinner and this girl came around and asked if we wanted her to sing a song, and I was like well sure! we just got married! And then after she sang she kept talking with us. Finally I just ignored her and stared at my plate. After she left I was notified that I was supposed to tip her. i didn't know. It was crazy.