January 04, 2005
How Do YOU Spell Relief?

Well, one man I observed tonight spelled it Y.O.G.A.D.D. (and if you are an unfortunate sufferer of Adult A.D.D. I apologize. Karma, you know.) Perhaps I need to be set straight here. Lord knows there are several men out there (*ahem* college boyfriend's roommate who took it upon himself to "discipline" me. IN COLLEGE! BASTARD! Moving right along, nothing to see here EDIT: I just realized that sounds kind of dirty and therefore, possibly good. It was not. He was dirty and mean and crude, and did I say dirty? And self-righteous. And dirty. Yeah, I know, I'm a Jenny Jones episode waiting to happen. But it was most certainly not dirty. He was an ass O ) who think that. Maybe my Yoga Buddy will be one of these after he catches wind of this.

I, for one, go to Yoga to relax. If I wanted all the jumping and the bouncing and the spastic breath catching? I'd go to aerobics. Or hop on the treadmill. After a day of being tortured by the kids, I don't feel the need to torture myself anymore. I need peace. And quiet. Apparently, my buddy and I had completely different expectations of the session.

For every one move we did, he did four (ty or fifty), all in fast forward, before he would go back to standing pose, whip his neck to the right (kind of like a Michael Jackson head tic) , shake out his shoulders, and then get a drink of water. Once, or twice, during the course of a 90 minute session, I would understand. We all feel the need to MODIFY sometimes. Don't they pound in to our heads to THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX? Most certainly. But my buddy here, he went above and beyond. Salutation to downward dog, hop forward, rise up, head tic, shoulder roll, water. Salutation to downward dog, hop forward, rise up, head tic, shoulder roll, water. Salutation to downward dog, hop forward, rise up, head tic, shoulder roll, water...ad nauseum.

Why does this bother me? I need to concentrate to pull my leg behind my back and wrap it around my ear. HARD. I CANNOT CONCENTRATE IF YOU KEEP DOING THE HEAD TIC SHOULDER ROLL WATER! IN FRONT OF MY MAT! BEHIND MY MAT! DANCING CIRCLES AROUND MY MAT! I mean, good lord, man, how much water do you need? Are you abnormally dehydrated? I have a CAMEL BAK! I have five! We'll strap those suckers right on your enlightened self and you can Michael Jackson and imbibe to your heart's delight. I'll even ignore the neck whip.

He almost makes me wish I was still in aerobics with my friend Larisa, when we were in our Tae Bo phase with the over zealous guy who would do the punches in between the kicks and fart simultaneously. Now that, my friends, is multi-talented. He was smelly, sure, but he didn't get a drink of water or do the head tic ONCE. NOT ONCE.


Alex | 09:18 PM |

Comments

I hate people who think that they know me so well they take it upon themselves to "better" me. I like being the mess that I am. I dated this guy once who was this pretentious art history major, and he was always trying to educate me about art, and I just wanted to yell at him, "I worked in a museum for a year and a half you big moron, and I'm not stupid, I can learn on my own what I want about art."

Hey, did you ever end up trying Pilates?

comment by jacinthe at 12:48 AM on 01.05.05 [ link ]

Maybe the head tic is caused by him not wearing his helmet?

comment by Howard at 07:23 AM on 01.05.05 [ link ]

ugh. You should mention it to the teacher. She's the one who can go up to him and say, "Are you breathing properly? Here, try the pose like this."

It might help....

comment by Marian at 07:23 AM on 01.05.05 [ link ]

fuckin poser. :-)

comment by Brooks at 04:47 PM on 01.05.05 [ link ]

Maybe Yoga is not a good choice for the ADD guy? Maybe he needs to try kickboxing?? Just a though. ;)

comment by Angela at 06:56 PM on 01.05.05 [ link ]

I bet your hubby loves the fact you can do those moves:)

comment by Becky at 10:48 AM on 01.06.05 [ link ]

*catching my breath*

Wow, I laughed so hard at that, who needs yoga when laughing is such a great stress reliever? Besides, I can't imagine contorting myself like that. I am OLD!!

LMAO

comment by dl at 12:57 PM on 01.06.05 [ link ]
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