For years when I would argue with the college boyfriend, and then the after college boyfriend, and then the ex-husband, they would all, at one point or another say, "What the hell have I done that's so wrong?!" and I, because I have a memory like a steel trap would say, "Do you want a fucking list with that?" which is precisely why I think I have proclaimed myself the queen of the lists. There ya go, just because I'm feeling especially generous, a little TCWH trivia.
TANGENT WARNING,TANGENT WARNING. I had a friend in college, Chris Shanley. The kid was amazing. If there was a piece of trivia? He knew it. Our favorite game was to sit down in the Pub drinking pitchers of beer while I supplied him with the first name of his graduating classmates that were listed on his t-shirt. All 2000 of them. He'd list the last names. Without fail. Every time. Like a Machine. "Mike" I'd giggle, thinking that I'd finally stump him with such a generic name. "O'Connell, or Wiley? Oh. And there's also 3 'Michael's' listed, and their last names are, Birch, Smith and Thornton. Beer, please." The kid was a nut, I'm telling you. But he was like that with ALL trivia. Remember those bar trivia games? He remembered everything. And if you, dear reader, are like that, than I apologize, because I have definitely supplied you with more TCWH trivia than anybody EVER, EVER needs to know.
That, and, I am completely lazy. Or tortured. Or both. I know I mentioned it before, but I remember it in highschool when Eli and I would pass back and forth in our utter teenage angsty ness the list notes. No sentences, just truncated thoughts, because, well, I don't know. Hence the lists. Shall we proceed?
1. I blinked and my anniversary came and went. That's been happening lots recently. Blink. Weekend. Blink. Deadline missed. Blink, blink, maybe it'll be the end of the year?
2. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with the following question, taken from my 2nd graders' Daily Language Practice? Circle the correctly spelled word. All righty, they can manage that...their options? cum kome come. Hunh.
3. Remember when I went to watch 'Mamma Mia', and adored it? I wanted to SING! and DANCE! and all that JAZZ! (complete with the hands) . I thought to myself, 'Wow, if I had an opportunity like that, I'd take it!" Opportunity's knocking. They're doing 'Grease' here. I know the music director. She said I should try out. Hello? Ashlee Simpson? Don't worry about being boo'ed off the stage, 'cuz I'm sure I'll be taking your place. Whatever I may convey, I don't know if my ego can take losing the lead to a high school junior who majors in cuteness and belly-baring.
4. Note to self: Next time you purchase gum, do NOT buy the kind that tastes like Coke, therefore tempting you to swallow it. I watched an episode of Ripley's Believe It or Not a lifetime ago where a girl had to undergo surgery due to stomach pains. Her stomach? Full of HAIR, which she chewed on. My stomach? After the discovery of the coke flavor? Has got to be full of gum.
5. My job is eating my life. I thought I was constipated for a couple days, but then I just realized that I didn't have enough time to "attend to business."
6. Conversation with some 5th Graders:
Them: Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?
TCWH: Do y'all even know what show that's from?
Them: Yeah, isn't it like 'Friends' or something?
TCWH:....UMM, NO (mentally calculating how far boobs sagged to my knees with that answer. They weren't even in the right decade, for fuck's sake!)
Them: Oh yeah! Wasn't it 'Frasier?' Yeah, that's it!
TCWH: tucks boobs into socks and waddles home.
7. I actually thought about taking a hiatus. For a split second. Guess you all will just have to put up with my shitty blogging, 'cuz this bitch ain't going nowhere. At least that I know of...or that I planned for, or... or...Yeah, I'll shut up now.
Cuz I'm hopelessly devoted, y'all (Groan) .