Dear Kobe Bryant,
I would like to ask you, as one foreign service brat to another, to please carefully reconsider what types of food products you sponsor. Although I have loved Nutella from a very young age (I would roll around naked in it like Cristina Millian in that "Dip It Low" video. And I'm a teacher. Who doesn't like to be naked. You figure it out. Apparently, you're brilliant, as I've heard multilingualists often are. Although you seem to have found other talents for your tongue as of late. And I'm not talking about your tireless ability to talk smack.) I stopped eating it when I saw your smiling face on the label. Why? dh abhors you. And he doesn't get worked up about very much. Much torture as I put him through (Get AWAY from me! I'm hot! Get CLOSER! I'm COLD! Move OVER I'm CROWDED! Look up "pain in the ass" in the dictionary, you'll see me) on a daily basis year after year after year, I just couldn't subject him to opening the pantry and seeing your freakishly smiling mug in there. And we eat alot. So that would be a daily occurence as well. That's husband abuse, right there. And I know I'm on a short leash, because I just spent 100 dollars at a Stampin' Up Party. I HATE CRAFTS. But back to the point. I love Nutella.
Can I ask you a question? Why Nutella? I mean, I'm sure that doesn't make you a better athlete. It's not like it's Wheaties or anything. Eat that stuff every day? The only slam dunks you'll be making are of the product into your mouth. And, judging from the size of the "present" (which doesn't scream "I DID IT AND I AM SORRY" to the rest of us, don't worry) you bought your wife? You're not one to do anything in moderation.
Even though your glorious countenance has not scared the calories right out of me every time I walk down the vinegar/pickles/condiments aisle for awhile, I do ask that next time you are asked to sponsor something, you consider the effect it will have on the rest of us. Go for something like, ummm, sausage. I hate that stuff. It makes our entire house reek of cooked meat for days, and if you're face is on it, dh won't go anywhere near it.
Just a suggestion. I thought you might like to make some new friends to play with.
Thank you for your consideration!
Loyally,
TCWH.