All right, all right, so my "scathing" Will Smith post was NOT FUNNY. I get it, I get it. I hear your silence LOUD and CLEAR, people. Point taken. Truth be told, I wrote it because this past week has been in a word, hell, and I don't want to be one of those blogs that has a "mood" - namely a BAD one. I appreciate blogs that are diverse in their moods and attitudes, and I felt like a big pothole of frustration, which of course comes through on my blog.
I didn't write about the full day's events on Friday because, well, I didn't feel it was my place. I heard today that it has been discussed at the middle school and at our base church, so it is, in short, public knowledge.
The loss I was referring to in "My Stupid Mouth" was the loss of a parent. Of one of my students. In my short years of teaching, I have never encountered this before.
Japanese culture advises that the teacher call the parent right away. I have no words. I don't want to appear rude or callused, but I simply have not one iota of an idea of how to approach the situation. I also feel like I, only married for 3 and a half years have no business consoling this woman who has suffered an incomparable loss.
I held one of my students while she cried on Friday, and cried with her. I didn't know what else to do. She ate lunch with me and I occupied her with simple questions, distracting her, unsuccessfully. The day's events never left her mind and I could see it on her face.
My thought has been circular this weekend. Fear that I don't have the facilities to help my students through this kind of tragedy, followed by guilt. How could I be selfish enough to think of how this will affect me? I feel guilty even dedicating a post to it. I feel even guiltier that I have relied so heavily on dh to help me through this. He is amazing. Followed by more guilt. And more fear. My brain does not stop, no matter how hard I bang it against the kitchen wall.
I hope that the resilience of children rings true. They'll need it to help them get through the rest of the school year.
Talking to a friend this week she said to me, "Just remember that every day is a gift, Alex."
I'm hanging on to that.
alex, i went through this with a student in january. he lost his diabetic father whom he'd been caring for for years. it broke my heart, and like you, i felt guilty for my own sorrow over it. hang in there. my kid is doing great. i'm sure yours is craving normalcy. just do the best you can. good luck.
We all deal with death differently -- for some it's easier than others. To me, the fact that it is so challenging for you, just means that you're human.
Well if we didn't feel scared, sad, wounded, hurt, embarrased, guilty, humiliated, and general doom - we'd be sociopaths. It's not always easy to embrace the "dark" feelings, but they are just as important as the good ones. You are doing great and I'm proud of you!