Watching MTV mindlessly to while the hours away until dh gets back from golf and we GO! TO! THE! GYM! (YAAYYYY! YAAAAYYY! OMFG I'M SO EXCITED, YAAAAYYY!) I was fortunate enough to happen across Will Smith in his new technicolor musical disaster, "Switch."
Although he may be schooled in sitcoms and action movies and let's hope all things Jada Pinkett Smith (Think Paris: That's Hott.) , Will seems to be not so nimble when it comes to things of the musical variety. Although he claimed "parents just don't understand" fairly recently, it is Will himself who has become the parent. Therefore, by his own definition, he doesn't understand.
Specifically, WILL SMITH, you are TIRED. We slid with you through Men in Black. We all bounced along and did the "Nananananananana's" to your infuriatingly addictive and catchy "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It." Hell, we were even amused into nodding approval to the disappointing sequel "Black Suits Comin' (Nod Ya Head)".
But now, Big Willie *ahem* Style, you've gone too far. We see you in Hitch. Nice, a romantic comedy. But the "new" video, Switch? What is this? "Hey switch, turn it over and hit it. Turn around, now switch. Turn it over and hit it." Will Smith, I am DAMN TIRED of you telling me what to do. I don't have my dancing shoes on today, and if I did, I damn well wouldn't be shakin' it to this. Let's explore further.
"Hey, vibe to vibe a second, it's a club girl why you arrived naked." Okay, you think the ladies aren't wearing enough clothing. In your own words, "It's a club!" Any frugal lady knows less clothes = more drinks. Unless you're poppin' the Cristal, keep your wallet and your opinion in your pants. Very few people go there to appreciate the nuances between Shakespeare's "Much Ado about Nothing" and FUCK IT. I couldn't pull that comment out of my ass if I wanted to.
Then you continue on (painfully) , questioning why your fan base wants to know why you're dancing with everyone on the floor. Succintly put by you, "Why is it that when y'all see me at the party Y'all be looking like, "Ooh, he a movie star - He ain't supposed to be out on the floor with everybody" Ummm, let's think about this for a second, mmmkay? Why would you be out on the dance floor with everybody? Especially if it's to this new lyrical (and you can bet your ASS that I'm making the finger/air quotation marks here) masterpiece, Switch? Cleverly rhymes with your new movie, Hitch? (Ooh! Inventive! Soo Seussian!)
If I were a friend, I would suggest that you learn from your mistakes. I'd whisper in your ear, you know, not to embarrass you in front of your kids. "You know, 'Men in Black' AWESOME! 'Black Suits Comin'' NOT! SO! MUCH!" Like the movies. We've already ascertained that you have 2 dance dictator songs out. You should be done. The third? Overkill. Especially since it is SOOO subpar, honey. What's that you say? Oh, I know I can't write lyrics. That's why they stay IN MY BLOG, and are not seen plastered across the screen on KISS!ASS! Network. Shit, I only embarass myself in front of 200 people a day. That's nowhere close to your *cough cough* numbers.
I find it highly amusing that when I googled your (the Willy's) name, this image came up. "I, Robot." This seems to adhere more to your song writing style than your movie characters. Aside: Of course you were convincing as that big bad man!
And why the repetitiveness? If I didn't want to get jiggy with you or bounce with you or slide with you or make my neck work or turn around and hit it in the first 2 minutes of the song, I certainly won't be goaded into it by having the phrase burned into my brain on a permanent basis by your skipping disk philosophy.
C'mon baby, let's get you a brand new bag. And maybe a new movie, too.