Sorry so quiet over here. I have a particularly hard time blogging if I am feeling ashamed about my actions. I always like to try and put my best foot forward, and that's not always possible - especially when I decided I would fall off the wagon. At a friend's birthday. Particularly if there are parents of your students there. Particularly if female parent abhors me for seemingly no reason at all and I feel insecure and uncomfortable about it. Particularly if I try to rectify situation with family by getting throwing up-ingly drunk and telling male parent I think he is unfair to his children. Takes talent to do something that jack-assish, No? I couldn't eat all weekend, thinking he would file a complaint on Monday. He didn't. But I was still so worked up about it I didn't sleep for two nights straight. I love guilt so much I should be (insert religion here).

I also instigated a fight between another couple. Everyone together: YAY, TCWH! The male of the species said it was because I did something I didn't, but I suspect that particular couple fought because the boy does not know how to keep a leash on himself. He made various remarks about my choice of make-up/perfume. I told his wife what products I used so she could have them, too. The defensive part of me is angry because I didn't treat him any differently than I treat any of my friends' husbands. If he wants to walk around without his ring complimenting women he's just met, that's his own damn fault.

Realistically, I take responsibility for my actions, but I know I have an ugly, ugly habit. Who the hell talks to a parent when they are so drunk they don't remember what the hell they said? Me. Who the hell imagines that they said the worst thing ever (insert worst thing ever) to said parent that is so bad so they can get fired? Me. I cripple myself over things like this. I didn't want to leave the house. Dh firmly said, "You're not going to cry and hide in the house over something like this, Alex," so I didn't. And today I went and told my boss what happened in case said parent complains. My principal? Said most likely nothing would come of it.

I know it's not as exciting as getting fired from work for your blog, but it's what I've got.

You know what makes me the biggest hypocrite? I told another friend not to drown her sorrows in the bottle. I wasn't drowning, but I was HYPER AWARE of stare of death coming from female parent, and I wanted the shield. Liquid courage? Turns out to be liquid stupidity for me. I don't even want to admit that I thought to myself "Set a limit, set a limit, set a limit!" and then just completely ignored myself because I am stupid. I hope I learn something this time.

Better luck next time.