Reason TCWH is going to Teacher HELL number 3423456.

Teaching first grade would be relatively simple, one would think.

Here was the assignment. Kids have to complete sentences on bottom of page, cut them out, and glue them to top of page. Simple, right? Hmm, not so. They understood the color and glue, but they couldn't quite comprehend the CUT - and the HOW TO CUT. Well, until I tried to give them a visual clue. You know, because kids are visual at that age. They need the concrete clue.

Me: All right, kiddies! After we color in, we're going to cut!

Me: That means, after you color everything in,

Me: I'm going to need you to take your scissors

Me: And do your very best job -

(to self) Oh MY GOD! That looks like a penis. I better fix it! Please don't let them recognize it, GOD. Please, please, please, please. I'll tithe EVERY DAY for 10 years. Out Loud: to do the BEST work that you can, boys and girls!

Me: (internal) Oh My GOD, do they know what this looks like? Because I'm going to get fired. And then we'll starve to death. Why the HELL didn't I take that art class for elementary teachers? SHIT! The LINE? Look worse! Just pretend it isn't there! (external) Because we want to be able to hang this up!

Mantra: If you let me get through this I'll be nice to kids for a year. If you let me get through this I'll be good to kids for a year. If you let me get through this...

Me: Ooh! These scissors look kind of crazy! Let's fix them!

In the words of Rage Against the Machine, "I do What they TELL ME."
Was there ever any doubt?