Dear Victoria,

I know that your show is all about you and your three boys and your strange interactions with men, but I find it wholly disheartening that you would leave one of your children behind. LOOK at HIM:

He is heartbroken, poor little dove. He obviously belongs to your clan - the hair? The face? He may look a little pasty, but rest assured he's been keeping OUT of the public eye. Don't want any embarassing publicity - beyond your show and Star magazine - examples of good upstanding morals, they are. Nothing a little fake n' bake or vacation to (insert tropical island here) couldn't cure. You just took the others to Italy and you DO glow a continous radiant orange, so...

I know, I know, having a kid his age would mean that you are INDEED several eons past 30 and admitting to all the plastic surgery, hair extensions and barbie worshipping that you love to indulge in, but I think a cool 30 mil will help us forget. Just make it out to 'CASH'.

Eagerly awaiting your response,

TCWH

P.S. 1st picture borrowed from hottigotti.com. 2nd picture borrowed from dh's 1st wedding album. Naughty, naughty.