Do I HAVE A thousand dollars?

Ummm, no.

Guess, I was just doing some wishful thinking there, 'scuze me, 'scuze me, pardon me, sorry, sorry.

Can I just say that I abhor the reality tv/popculture trainwreck that is Dancing with Stars? OH, and we all know that around here I only hate on something that I am jealous of. Except for maybe R. Kelly and...well, just R. Kelly. Anybody who sings about farting in some 8 part desperate attempt at covering up the fact that he violated a minor is well, ew.

But DWS? I WANT to be a ballroom dancer. And we all know what happened two years ago when I watched that stupid movie about Drama Camp. Wannabe campcounselor du jour! And then, when I watched Miss Congeniality. Wannabe beautyqueen du jour! (Because maybe if I type it all close together I'll fool you into thinking that I am smarter than I really am du jour!) And I hate to break it to you kids, but beauty queen, I ain't. There is this guy at work that calls me "Hollywood", but I never associated that place with elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist. Crazy drunks and slutty party girls ala Courtney Love and (insert ANY name here) yes, but beauty queens? Ummm, NO.

But Ballroom dancing. I watch them and think, "I WANT TO DANCE LIKE THAT!" Sadly enough, I know my physical limitations thanks to a short dancing gig at the Pacific Islands Club (google it, bitch. I've been humiliated enough) where I was tortured by being made to practice a full leg extension with a straight arm lift again and again and again in a full length mirror. You know, so I could watch myself fuck up. Contiuously.

What was I talking about? The fabulous dresses. And the bodies. The boys have nicer butts than I've seen on a girl around here in a long time. I also wonder about the physical closeness of the dance partners - which means I have NOT been spending enough time with dh, if you know what I mean. From dancing with a partner I know that spending that much time in close contact with somebody, sweating and perfecting some damn move, pretty much kills any sexual tension despite what they convey, but still...looks nice, doesn't it? And how much of a life do I need?

My favorite clip of the day? Watching Mr. Spears enjoy his own music on MTV. Notice that nobody else was in the room with him. And he had the weird muscian's face, too. Have you seen that? When they are so in to their music that their face becomes contorted with...I can't find the word. (Mostly associated with and appropriate for classical musicians. Who have spent years perfecting their craft.) But it's some kind of artistic expression. Artistic? He's not. Expression? He should stick to kissing Britney's butt.

Verbal diarrhea is finished now.
Please tell me that tomorrow is Friday.
Obviously I am losing my mind.