You know, somebody better come up in here and set me straight, because I don't know if this is a man/woman thing, or just a men that I am exposed to/TCWH thing. So boys, girls, this is your chance. Speak up, speak out. Am I on fucking crack or what?

Incident #1.

Suffice it to say after a long day of watching children projectile vomit whilst atop playground equipment (Yes Virginia, this really did happen EXORCIST style), watching videos about Gus the Bus, holding grubby hands, saying "Yes! You may!" and arguing the finer points of what it means to be an adult to a class full of "GROWN" 7 year olds, I come home and hide out a little bit. Specifically, if the phone rings, I ignore it. Last night was no different.

Phone: RING! RING!
TCWH: Ignore! Ignore!
Answering Machine, imitating Soon To Be Father In Law: dh? TCWH? (hangs up)

2 minutes elapse

Phone: RING! RING!
TCWH: Ignore! Ignore!
Answering Machine: *CLICK*
TCWH (glancing at caller ID): It's MIL and STBFIL again. What if there's an emergency? Usually MIL calls. Shit. I hope she's okay. WHAT if it's the BOYS? What if The Incredible Sulk got caught smoking pot AGAIN? And got arrested? What if The Dude was out skateboarding and got hit by a car? What will I tell dh? Damn. It must be important, I'll call back. ::dials::

FIL: Hello? Where you been?
TCWH: Uh...In the bathroom (???)
FIL: That's what I figured. I was trying to get a hold of you.
TCWH (intestines twisted in suspense. I'd say it was a pregnant pause, but then I'd be lying my balls off. Because, you know, I decided to grow some for my new year's resolution. dh thinks they're just hemmorhoids. I is tricky. Trickee. Trickee.):...
FIL: We have a problem here. An emergency.
TCWH:Okay (internal monologue - stay calm stay calm stay calm stay calm).
FIL (King of pauses.): Your Mother-in-law can't get on the computer.

For Fuck's SAKE! I had half my bags packed, was on the cell phone to dh, requested time off at the school website, and was almost out the door.

Is this a trait specific to men?

Incident the two:

This is what the bathroom looks like after dh leaves for work:

Notice the duality of everything:

2 toothpastes

2 hair gels

2 lotions

I thought that he would be bothered by the clutter. The crumpled towel. You know. It's CR-OWWWW-DED. So what do I, horrible wifey of the year, try to do? Straighten up a little.

I put away 1 bottle of gel, 1 bottle of toothpaste, and fold the towel. Just for that Leona Helmsely touch.

What does dh ask me? Where the toothpaste is.

I tell him that it is IN the medicine cabinet. Isn't that usually where toiletries and such are kept? Especially extra ones?

This is after dh asking me if I bought him a new hair gel. Which I did, per his request. But, I had hidden it cleverly with the rest of our excess toiletries, because I am sneaky like that. MENSA teaches you how to do that. It makes me feel SMRT.

This on the heels of dh asking me which pile of papers were his. The ones which I had not touched. Which were exactly where he had left them. Which I had not touched. Did I say that I hadn't moved them?

Trait #2: Not being able to find things if the physical environment has been altered in any way,shape, or form.

Personality or Male?
Personality or Male?
Personality or Male?
Hunh? Hunh? Hunh?
Trait, I mean.

Hunh?

Please don't feed the animals.