Today, like, OH!MY!GOD!, like, when I was at, like, the mall? I was like, wandering past Aeropostale, and there was like a boy! In the window! A, like, ALIVE, BOY! And I was like, "HEY! That's a boy!" and like, I had to walk up to him to see if he was real, or if like, my eyesight is like failing as bad as my boobies are (have it on authorities from like Victoria's Secret, bitches! Them's not where they used to be!)? And, like, like! He was REAL! And he was all like, MANNEQUIN POSING with arms akimbo and serious model face, like 'LOOK AT ME! I AM LIKE SOOOO HANDSOME AND COOL, don't you like want to stand in this window with me, and like have all these mall rats like stare at you? So I like stared at him real hard to see if he would laugh? But he was all Tom Cruise in Top Gun with the Pilot Glasses, and 'take me serious, I'm serious' face, y'all. And he just kept that straight face, even though I like thought maybe his eyes could be laughing, but they were like hidden behind the glasses! *SQUEEEE!* So I just like stood there, then I was wondering what he would do if he had to like go to the bathroom? So I started like trying to talk to him? Like just to see if he could talk? Because like this one time when I went to the Wax Museum at Niagara Falls? I like totally stood there forever waiting for this old couple to like take a picture? But they were like wax! So I was wondering if he was like, wax? So I wanted to like hear him talk? But when I like started knocking on the window, the security guard like said, 'Lady, back off.'

And i was like sooooo bummed that I didn't like have my camera! Because that would have like totally made this post like totally awesome!