Yeah, so you know before your husband or wife gets deployed how they tell you that the family will go through some "stress"? They FORGOT TO MENTION how fucking crazy it makes you feel. That two people who are joined together for life have no fucking clue what their spouse is doing. If they are safe. If they are hurt, or injured, or alive. IF MOTHERFUCKING ANYTHING. If they are dirty. If they need some sleep. If, when they read that last e-mail (if they even got it) if it made them smile, or laugh. If they are scared. If they hear shooting. If they see dead people. If they are going crazy in their own minds. So instead you both spend strictly rationed amounts of time on the phone with each other talking about what kind of food you ate because you don't want to talk about what weighs on your heart and your mind and your soul and your shoulders but you don't want to say because you are not supposed to put bad energy into the universe and last time you made a joke he damn near cut his finger off and what if that was your fault? A little nudge between the shoulder blades from God? A prod. Why don't they tell you how close to crazy the both of you will feel, but it's okay, because THEY! ARE! FIGHTING! FOR! YOUR! FREEDOM! which may be a career choice or an offer of a better life or a steady job that they thought that they were getting or a way out, but they are all over there one and the same. Why don't they tell you about the countless hours or the lapses in judgement or the panic when you don't get an e-mail or a phone call, and there's nothing on the internet, but last time there was "something"- shhh! don't tell because we don't want to alarm the "spouses"- it wasn't even on the internet that long. A blink. A minute.
Why don't they mention that you feel like you're going crazy all by yourself in the slowest slow motion, but don't want to give voice to it in case it's true? I'm just curious. I just want some kind of coherent answer. I really just want my husband home, but I understand that's not my choice anymore. I could fucking choke on how much I understand. It makes me sick to my stomach. Just crawling around in there like rancid meat. If I could vomit and vomit and vomit, I would. I don't want any phone calls from the Lt. Colonel. I don't even want to talk about it. I just want it to be August.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I don't know that I would be as strong as you are forced to be right now. I thank you both for your selflessness so that my family and I won't have to endure another 9/11. If you need someone to listen, drop me an email and I'll give you a call. *hugs*
Although most of us will have to go through it at least one time, so many of "us spouses" haven't gone through it yet.
That's why it becomes increasingly and amazingly hard for me to say anything comforting like, "I know how you feel" or "We're all in this together" or "This is why they say the job of being a military spouse is the hardest job in the Armed Forces."
All those things ring empty on some level when they are coming from someone who can't even begin to comprehend what you're going through.
And while I'd normally probably try to say all those things and couple it with "If you need anything just say so," instead I'll sit here on this end of the line and wish I could make it all right for you, and wish I could bring him home, and wish this fucking idiotic war would be over.
Fighting for freedom or not. I appreciate everything you and all of us and especially Chad are doing right now... but I wish I could fix it for you. And I can't.
I think about you every day, Alex.
I wish I could throw a bunch of sage, wise advice your way about how to deal.
Can't.
I wish I could say a few choice words that could/would make you feel better.
Can't.
Wish I could offer the only thing I know to give in seemingly bleak times.
Can... Hope.
-----
Keep posting. In times like these your writing becomes your best medicine. It'll keep you sane.
Now I feel like a fucking priest. Or at least Dr. Phil! OOOh how I loathe Dr. Phil. The man's a mental-enema.
While I don't think this war is idiotic. I think we've done wonders for the people of Iraq it doesn't make it any easier having your husband gone.
I spent more 75% of last year with my husband gone but I knew he was safe and sound in Texas.
Honey I wish I could just take you in my home right now. Infact you CAN if you want to just stay here. There isn't anything I can do to make him come home earlier. But you are not alone. I know I'm not your husband but you have all of us right here for you. I laugh with you and I cry with you. And if right now I have to cry more than normal then so be it.
Thank you for supporting my wife while I am gone.The kind words that you write to her have to help her cope with this separation.
Thank you again.
Chad
In the immortal words of my mother.
"If there were a magic wand I could wave - to take away all your pain and tears, I would do it in a heartbeat."
I really do wish I had a wand like that for you..but since I don't - I am sending warm thoughts and big hugs your way!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Apparently, one must insult to be heard. I must not know anything about life. I guess I'm not allowed to have my own feelings on my own blog? YAY! I finally pissed somebody off.
Hey Dufus.. FUCK OFF... like Gary said.. come on over to my blog.. I'll have a go at you.. fucking retarded moron.
Come on Alex.. gimme the IP
You put things really well, but i dont want to say that you're strong. you know my husband is over there too.... and I sure as hell dont feel strong. Nobody feels strong through these things but everyonet ells us we are. I dont know one single person that would willingly give up their husband for a year. We're forced to do it, no other choice.... and I dont feel strong for that. I feel trapped. You just gotta make sure you dont spend the time that hes gone wasting the days away.