Dear Lord Please help me. I thought you all deserved a good laugh after putting up with my crap for the last, say...howeverfuckinglong it has been. I got a call from Chad this morning. One of the guys he went over there with is coming home because of an emergency. I've got a fucking emergency. I dreamt that I was in bed with JACK BLACK! Hairy Chest! And he didn't even have armpits! He had nipples! Nipples where his armpits were supposed to be! And then he had another set close to where his elbows were. Embedded in the hair! Now anybody who knows me knows that as much as I like Jack Black, I most certainly do not want him in my bed. Him or his six nipples. And if that's not a fucking emergency to get my husband home to me, I don't know what is. I mean, it wasn't even a relatively clean Jack Black, ala School of Rock. It was Orange County Jack Black. Tighty-whitey sportin', drug doin', dirty, HAIRY HAIRY HAIRY Jack Black. I don't think I'll be able to sleep for the next year. And they wonder why people drink profusely or drug themselves before they go to sleep. *shudder*
CHAD! YOU COME HOME THIS MINUTE, YOUNG MAN, YOU HEAR ME?