As Christmas rolls around this year, I'm finding myself feeling more like Ebenezer Scrooge than Tiny Tim.
I think my bank card is on fire. I once read an estimate that it takes 80,000 dollars to raise a child, but that must have been a long time ago. Like when coke cost a nickel. Admittedly, I get a little grumpy when purchasing something I know that will get the following reaction: OH! A THING! COOL! (toss into pile of junk that was purchased last year)
When I have my own kid? And can raise them from scratch? NO TV. I just spent $50 bucks on a "cool" jacket, because it's what the in crowd is wearing.
Screw you, Element, Roxy, Billabong and Quicksilver. My child shall dress in JCPenney, and Old Navy discount rack. I plan to singlehandedly bring back shabby chic for children. If I'm really lucky? I'll have one of those eccentric kids that likes to wear the Salvation Army clothing. If I have hit the luck jackpot? I will have a child that likes to sew his or her own clothing. I will purchase him or her a sewing machine. The gift that keeps on giving.
When I have my own kid? They will not, NOT! NOT! spend countless hours in front of the playstation 2/gamecube/gameboy/whatever else new they come out with by the time I manage to get pregnant. A relative I know justified letting her son play with it endlessly by saying that it improved hand/eye coordination. So does tennis. And the bills that she had to pay to get the kid corrective shoes because he sat on his feet for 12 years making them bend inward cost WAAAAY more than any tennis lessons did. Send your kid outside. It's the new black.
My aspiration? To be the meanest mommy in the world. I'll even do a jig in front of my kid to embarrass the hell out of him or her. He or she won't want to have any friends, therefore negating the need to feel accepted and buy "cool" stuff. Savings all around!
Because I just became an adult today, I realized that people slave away so they can buy toys. Period. If you stay single? The toys are for you. If you get married? The toys are for your kids and in laws and parents and kids' friends and the janitor and the dog and the secretary. You have toys for your toys.
I really need to get out more. Which is why I am SUPER! FREAKING! HAPPY! (Yup, so happy that I can't even mutter an expletive. What is this blog coming to?) that dh is whisking me away to Okinawa for Christmas. Ain't he a peach? He says we'll be able to go to the beach! And oh how I love the beach. I want to live at the beach. The beach will make me forget that I spent $308.00 on clothing that will probably only be worn once before it becomes "uncool" or "too small" (And I am SOOO doing the quotation marks in the air with my fingers.) .
Somebody kick me in the ass please, will you? I know I'm on the naughty list, but never have I been a bah humbug ish type of people. I hate those people. Yes? I'll have an order of self-loathing with that extra eight pounds, just put it on a separate plate, I don't like my flaws touching. Thanks.
dh needs to get home. Stat.
YUP! I'm all done! Now it is your turn! LEAVE A COMMENT so that I will put your name in the I WANT SOME FREE STUFF FROM JAPAN basket! Only 17 commenting days left.
As I asked Rob a couple days ago, is it Friday yet? In his ultimate wiseness, he has assured me that it is, somewhere. He is a very wise man.
You would never be that bitchy, snarky blogger who is actually a big asswipe.
My kids are going to learn how to be self-sufficient. You know, because I'm not. Heh.
Son has PS2 but he will *never* be able to just sit on his @$$ and play it all day. We sign the kids up for sports AND *gasp* kick them out the front door to play *outside* such as we did back in the *old days*.
And I agree you would never be the bitchy snarky blogger who is actually a big as wipe - you are wayyy cooler than that my friend ;)
Admittedly I am too shy to post - even though I have read your blog every day for the past few months. But, today, you inspired me and I want to thank you. Thank you for voicing all of my momisms. And no, I don't want stuff from Japan. Yes, I do feel sorry that my son will always wear clothes from the Old Navy discount rack or hand-me-downs, and you know, he might smell a little. But, hey, who doesn't? My heart goes out to you for all of the things that you have struggled with )and triumphed over) since I began reading your blog. But, I want to thank you - thank you for brightening my day. ANd thank your husband for protecting our country. This place would be nothing without the true heroism of our soldiers. Please, have a wonderful holiday season.
Great site. I love it. Thanks for visiting my site also. And put my name in the Free Stuff From Japan. :) HEHE!!! What a great idea...
Hey (twitch), I grew up with hand-me-downs (twitch) and discount clothes (twitch) and I turned out just fine (Tourettes Syndrome spew).
I'm kind of having trouble getting into the Spirit as well... I put lights on the house and that's been about it. My wife and I haven't done a single bit of Christmas shopping yet and I am seriously considering taking all of the money that we would normally spend on Christmas and taking us both to Jamaica.
I enjoyed this entry very much. And I happen to agree with several of the points. especially the video games - it's a point of contenion betwen Hub and I, weather o not our children will be allowed to play them (in our home). Guess which position he takes? (He who when Halo 2 came out was sad that he couldn't take a couple of days off just to play it because he is a contractor and gets paid hourly.)
You couldn't blast my nephew away from his Playstation. I've tried. But then again, the Old Navy discount bin is my first stop when shopping.
You? Bitchy or Snarky? Bitch, please!
If I had to buy gifts for OEO (bow) I don't think I would be too filled with the magic of the holiday spirit either. I've just about given up trying to find anything special for my step-monster *ahem* child because no matter what we get, she's already got it or it's not cooool enough. Is is okay to give a nine year old a gift certificate?
Your gonna be a great parent. Im gonna make it so my kids are total dorks so they wont have to try and be cool or whatever it is kids do. They will thank me in the long run and theres nothing wrong wiht old navy I live off of that store.
I'm telling you, volunteer work is the gift that keeps on giving! You should volunteer him for that Soup Kitchen! And you know, to make it a doubly good Cmas, you should volunteer him at the local VA Hospital.He'll love you all forever. :)
Your plan for perfect parenting sounds great. Good luck with that. ;-) Just make sure that you endorse yourself for your efforts if you stray from the plan here and there (you will). Either way always make them feel loved and you'll be O.K.