Going to the gym has been a very interesting lesson in personality types. I feel like I'm getting schooled in psychology almost as much as I'm getting schooled by dh in eradicating bra fat. (Don't know what the hell I'm talking about? It's that annoying little pocket of fat that bulges out right next to your underarm and over your bra. Don't even get me started on the back bra fat.) There's several types that I could do without:
1.) The talker. This woman comes to the gym two hours before the work day starts ONLY to spend 1 hour and 45 minutes of it wandering around from station to station greeting everybody with an ultra nasal "Hey Girl! How are YOU today?" initiating a 25 minute discussion about the color of her kids' mucus and other uber important topics. She spends a total of about 60 minutes with her stuff ON the equipment and only about 2 minutes actually using it.
2.) The stinky guy. This gentleman, decked out in his nude coloured under armour spandex pants smells to high heaven. I mean, we're at the gym. A considerable amount of body odor is expected. But when I'm aaaaalllll the way over on the treadmills and this guys is aaaaallll the way over at the free weights, the length of an entire basketball court, the smell? Makes me gag. How do I know it is him? Because if you get within a 10 inch radius of this guy your nose hairs take refuge in your throat. Apparently they have limits, too.
3.) The hisser. This gentleman sounds like a locomotive. As one who is accustomed to grunts and the like, I find his "TSSSST. TSSSST. TSSSST," to be utterly distracting. And funny. He sounds like a leaking balloon. If it were just under his breath or to himself, that would be okay. We all make noise. He chooses to share with the ENTIRE room, TSSSSST-ing until we all look over, awaiting the completion of his set.
4.) The ball stealer. Our gym is equipped with 5 balls, only one of which is big enough to do abs on. The other four? They're like dodgeballs - trying to do abs on those is futile and fucking hilarious. You just pop right off mid crunch. If you like the ball, you have to wait your turn. There is a gentleman, however, who has no qualms about working in with you without asking. A no-no in gym etiquette. The other day as I was bending down to get a drink of water, about two inches away from said ball, he grabbed it, and left me standing there next to him on the mat while he writhed this way and that on the ball that I was very tempted to kick out from under him. He was finished just as fast as he came and ran away after his 20 or so sit ups. Bizarre. Did he not see me? Maybe he has no peripheral vision.
Being at the gym reminds me of being at the zoo. Myself included. I'm sure I fall into the angry monkey category.
lmaorofl
I can't begin to tell you how bad I needed that laugh today, been a suckful day.
As for the gym, I need to get my ass to one!!! I have been doing it at home, its not working - I need to leave the house ;)
I'm glad that you wrote this stuff down. I've seen all these and more. I think I'll wash my spandex gym outfit tonight ;-)
Huh? Wha? Did somebody say, "angry monkey?"
I am a gym-hater from way back. There's just something wrong with me paying monthly money to stand around waiting for the spandex-clad fops congregating around the equipment to quit talking about how many reps they're up to and to move the hell out the way so I can get the torture over and done with...
You forgot the people who DO NOT WIPE DOWN THEIR MACHINES AFTER THEY ARE FINISHED WORKING OUT.
I get so mad, and want to spritz THEM with the disinfectant spray.
Make friends with a firefighter, then ask him/her if you can use the gym in one of the satellite firehouses! The Japanese guys don't use it, and usually that's all who's there :-) That's what I did !