October 20, 2005
You'd Think They'd Take the Damn Thing out of My ROOM

It's not even funny anymore, kids.

While being 30 has made me feel more grown up about some things, it has NOT helped with my art skills. Or mind in the gutter ish ness ity.

Today, the superintendent was visiting our school to check that we're in compliance and what not. It's all I could think of ALL DAY. Does that stop me from exposing the kids to obscenities? In TRUE TCWH form, I yell, "HELL NO!"

We've been studying fire safety. This is my friend, Hydrant Hal.

Hydrant Hal.jpg

He likes to give the kids safety tips, along with our other friend, Fireman Tom. Unfortunately, Fireman Tom hasn't been around kids for awhile, so he forgets that you shouldn't say, "YOU COULD BURN! TO DEATH! OR SUFFOCATE!" or "YOUR BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND COULD CATCH THEIR CLOTHES ON FIRE! AND DIE!" to a bunch of first graders. And I swear to you, if he didn't resemble the freaky puppets in that Phil Collins video, I would've marched myself and all 25 right out of that room. Alas, I was transfixed by his wobbly, foamy skin.

Suffice it to say that after we got back to the classroom, the kids had beacoup questions. Well, that, and I said, "Who has some questions?" Because teachers encourage inquiry, unless it's about poop.

Little Girl: How do they get the water out?

TCWH: Well, see Hydrant Hal? They attach the hose to him (rapidly drawing)

hose 1.JPG

TCWH Internal: Oh my GOD. That is TOO SHORT. I better make it long and wavy so that they know it is a fire HOSE. With water inside it.
hose2.JPG
TCWH: and after they attach it, there's a nozzle on the end of the hose, like this, see?
hose3.JPG
TCWH Internal: Oh MY GOD! Penis! PENIS! Stop. Stop. Stop. No, keep going. They won't know. It's too big. Outternal: And that way, they can put out the water. The fireman holds it.
hose4.JPG
Internal: Do I draw the man behind it? OR in front of it? He is holding it from behind...Definitely go with behind.
hose5.JPG
::Classroom immediately erupts into 6 year old laughter, because they KNOW what a penis looks like! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. I AM GOING TO GET FIRED FIRED FIRED. ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
TCWH Internal: I know! Draw something coming out of it! The water!
hose6.JPG
TCWH (yelling to be heard above the hysterity): AND! THE! WATER! PUTS! THE! FIRE! OUT!

Erasing quickly.

Honestly, y'all, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

I will pay one of you to come out here and illustrate for my class.

I've got 2 pennies and some belly button lint.

Any takers?


Alex | 04:41 PM |

Comments

but it keeps you laughing, right? that's gotta be a good thing.

comment by kara melissa at 05:19 PM on 10.20.05 [ link ]

To be honest, I don't think that your hose looked like a penis...until you drew the man in front of it :D

comment by Toni at 03:20 AM on 10.21.05 [ link ]

too funny, and if I could draw that well I would so have done the same thing :)

comment by amber at 06:51 PM on 10.21.05 [ link ]

HAHA, that is just too funny!!!

I wish I could have been there to see the look on your face. :)

comment by dl at 01:46 PM on 10.23.05 [ link ]

LOL...... OMG that was so super fun! But you are definitely on your own in the drawing department...... I stopped drawing because of awkward kiddie situations like yours! : )

comment by Margie at 07:01 PM on 10.23.05 [ link ]

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comment by paul allison at 06:14 AM on 11.24.05 [ link ]
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