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Doin' the time to get the dime. Her Momma did NOT raise her to drink cheap champagne.

May 02, 2004

Beer. It's What's for Dinner

Beer. It's the manly-man drink. Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel said so. Frat boys chug it, girls stomach it (because it's free) , and my Uncle claims it is all four good groups. You can have a smooth lager, a hearty stout. A tangy Sierra Nevada. A rollicking good Knock You on Your Ass BEER. A mysterious homebrew. (Yes, I realize I went from types to brands. Are you still questioning me?) Really. When it comes to beer, there are no limitations. We are limited only by our imaginations, the teacher in me (Where the hell did she come from? GETEROUTGETEROUTGETEROUT!!!) likes to say. However, never have I thought of a beer as cute. Not until last night, anyway. I went out to dinner with CT, and as we were walking back to retrieve my car I was treated to this delight:

IMGA0046.JPG In y'all's best interests I have included an Altoid Tin so that y'all can grasp just how damn small this beer can is. 135 ml's. Do y'all remember science? Remember measuring liquids in ml's? Well I sure as hell do, and it is not a lot. Not even 135 of 'em. Damn Japanese. They think of a way to "cute" everything. Dangerous marketing, really. If I were a Japanese schoolgirl, I would SO need to add this to my collection of Hello Kitty, Badtz Maru, and the like. What the hell am I talking about? I'm a grown woman and I SOOO needed to add it to my collection. Total consumption time? 4.57 seconds. A littly bitty shot o'beer whenever you need it. Fits in the palm of your hand! Discreet!

In a not entirely unrelated event, I also purchased some candy at the FAMILY-Mart. I thought it was the standard Japanese Blue Flavor (You'd have to have tried this to understand, trust me) gum. While the flavor was right on target, the consistency threw me for a loop. Or should I say ROOP? Y'all have seen Lost in Translation, right? Stay with me, y'all. Focus! Focus! I popped a candy in my mouth and immediately began chewing. Disappointment. Not gum. And then, wait...wait...What the hell is this thing that I can only describe as a belly button rolling around in my mouth? Rubber bandy, small, round, you get the drift. Because I am not very smart, and also because I am kind of a glutton for punishment and stuff that disgusts me, I ate the whole damn pack before I figured out that they had incorporated those little Bubble Tea globules in there. Yuck. What are those made out of anyway? Did I mention that as you're chewing on the starburst like consistency candy that the globules squeeze out and pop down your throat? It's quite unsettling, really. Not unlike what I would equate with a first wet dream experience. I'll leave y'all with those thoughts...

Happy Saturday!

by Alex at 09:57 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (1)
Note-It Posts links with: Redneck Woman
Comments
on May 2, 2004 01:05 PM Genevieve said:

Those bubble tea gobby things are tapioca beads. Disgusting, if you ask me. I can't even really imagine it in gum. Ew!

on May 3, 2004 03:13 AM rachel said:

That is absolutely disgusting. Belly buttons? Yeah, I'll never try it..

on May 3, 2004 04:51 AM Gary said:

Japanese people make everything cute, because if something doesn't keep hold of their attention they're going to run around and cut everyone up with their samurai swords.

on May 3, 2004 05:56 PM Alex. said:

Genevieve,

Tapioca!!! I could not remember what it was for the life of me. Which is why I described them as belly buttons! Because you know me! (Homer Simpson voice) I am so smart! I am so smart! S! M! R! T! DOH! I mean, S! M! A! R! T! :0

on May 3, 2004 05:57 PM Alex. said:

R,

So you DON'T want me to bring you a huge case of it? I thought it was your favorite! *SOB*

on May 3, 2004 05:58 PM Alex. said:

G,

Your comment stuck with me all day - it's definitely one of the most offbeat I've ever read. That and your wife's "I'll rip her tits off!" which kept me smiling all week long. See? :) Still smiling.

on May 5, 2004 05:07 AM Howard said:

Hmm...I'm curious as to how this relates to a wet dream.

on May 5, 2004 06:39 AM Alex. said:

Hmmm...I just thought it would be rather unpleasant and sticky. At least, that's what I think I thought.

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