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Doin' the time to get the dime. Her Momma did NOT raise her to drink cheap champagne.

April 13, 2004

The Call

phone.jpg


Our phone rang at 10:38 last night. How do I know? Because I had passed out from exhaustion around 9:30 and was well into my bizarro dreams when the contraption not 4 inches from my head JANGLED! BLATANT! DISCONTENT! (Can phones exhibit blatant? Discontent? I am the ONE that is in charge here, so I say WITHOUT a DOUBT. See: TCWH crossing her arms and turning her body the other way.) As soon as I heard that fucking contraption I nearly jumped out of my skin. I strained to hear what D.H. was saying and heard this:

D.H: Mmm Hmmm. Oh No. NO! NO!

And in my mind, we were already back on the plane for (insert family emergency here). I already had half my shit packed by the time he got off the phone. "Shit!" he spit, putting the phone down not so gently in the receiver. "What?WHAT?WHAT?WHOWASITWHATDIDTHEYWANT?" I bugged him. Turns out he might have to go to work. After working all day. To stare at a plane all night.

I have to explain my psychoses about middle of the night phone calls here. It's quite simple. Don't blink, or you'll miss it. When I was little, we lived overseas. Any time the phone rang in the middle of the night, it was death/cancer/aids/your worst nightmare. I suppose I am like one of Pavlov's dogs...Wait, wait, wait, wouldn't that make me a bitch? (Sense of humor warning! Watch out! Watch out!) Whenever the phone rings before nine, I am happy for the attention. Whenever it rings after nine, my adrenaline gets going and I immediately suspect a horrible thing.

So imagine my pleasure at receiving this half-assed phone call after the "good time" stating that my husband has to go back to work. *Sure* I've got only 4 days left with him before you rip him out of my arms. *Sure* I enjoy sleeping alone curled into the smallest circle possible under my blankets and getting almost no sleep because YOU KEEP FUCKING CALLING and going to work the next day! *Sure* I don't need to spend time with him! *Sure!* I can manage! Fuckers.

Oh, and if you're that bitch driving the Charcoal Gray Skyline GTS who cut me off on the way home because you obviously don't know how to merge with a line of oncoming traffic? Fuck you, too.

In additional news, I found the sex scene in Enemy at the Gates with Jude Law VERY DISTURBING. What WAS that expression on her face? Certainly not pleasure. And if it is? Ummm, let me talk to you in private... (whispering) If you have sex with men or anybody for that matter ?with that face on? you'll scare the heebiejeebies out of them. Just so you know. My good deed is done for the day! What'd y'all do today?

by Alex at 07:51 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
Comments
on April 13, 2004 01:34 PM nongirlfriend said:

Now I'm trying to remember that girl's facial expression...I'll have to watch it again just to see her non-O face.

on April 13, 2004 01:56 PM amber said:

TCWH, is DH going to iraq? what's the deal, girl?

on April 13, 2004 02:07 PM Ted said:

As our folks get older, my wife and I have gotten into the same 'dread' mode about late-night phone calls.

on April 14, 2004 06:01 AM Simon said:

I know where you're coming from. Calls after 9pm are only from those who can't work out the time difference or wrong numbers.

As for DH getting called away, you can look at it this way: you'll have plenty of blogging time while you can't sleep!

on April 14, 2004 07:57 AM rachel said:

Alex.. where is he going? ARGH! TELL ME!

Just come here I'll share my whin. er .. wine with you!

on April 15, 2004 09:03 AM TCWH said:

Nongirlfriend,

You have to watch it again and tell me. Her face just sticks in my mind. Very disturbing. What grossed me out even more, and outed me as a straight prude is how dirty they were, and in the middle of all those people. And she just looked like she had been shot. Well the bad kind of shot.

on April 16, 2004 12:42 AM Alex said:

Ted,

Maybe I'm just paranoid, because every time the phone rings, I jump out of my skin. I HATE those phone calls.

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