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Doin' the time to get the dime. Her Momma did NOT raise her to drink cheap champagne.

April 17, 2004

New Toy New Toy New Toy

Apparently, D.H. has figured out a way to baffle me for the entire three weeks that he is gone. He has bought me a new toy:
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With my technological prowess, I should be able to turn the damn thing on just in time to catch his arrival at the airport!
And guess what? It has a digital voice recorder on it, too! But, I have decided to start keeping a notebook by my bed, too. So we'll see what kind of literary hi jinx that unearths. Hell, maybe I'll keep it on the bed, since I'll have the California King all to my DAMN self.

SIDE NOTE: I usually don't like to jump on any wagons, but I was pleasantly surprised and delightedly amused by the way some people have stumbled upon this page as of late. Let's take a look, shall we?

1. educated beyond her intelligence (Yahoo) 2 Ooh! Ooh! Somebody knows where I am! Maybe it is D.H.

2. what goes on in the girl's mind pics (Google) 1 This one caused me to spit soda out my nose. First of all, if you are looking for the female perspective, I am one of the LAST girls to ask, because I'll probably tell you to go fuck yourself. Or go fuck someone else. Not to be rude, I'm just sayin'.

3. I'm sorry Miss Jackson I am for real and OutKast (Google) 1 Okay, this one actually might be legit, you know, since I quote Andre 3000 all the time and shit.

4. beyond song naughty girl to hear (Google) 1 Bueller? Bueller? What the hell is this?

5. crack contactplus (Google) 1 Somebody make a joke, please. Or decipher this for me. I'm stumped.

6. Gaijin girls beautiful pictures (Google) 1 Momma always says not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so, if you get here looking for beautiful girls, ummm...I'm sorry. Go somewhere else. Or go down to Bar Row. They have lots of Russian Hookers down there that have enough make up on so that they look pretty after a full on night of drinking. I don't know this from experience, of course. I just heard it from someone while I was volunteering at the orphanage.

7. select girl's boob size (Google) 1 J Kwon, is that you? Admittedly, there is something Weird Science about this search. Any man who is looking to select a companion by first finding out how to select boob size is a sad, sad man. Or woman. Hey, I don't discriminate.

8. sleep intelligence (Google) 1 No sleep, and no signs of intelligence, either. Go back from whence you came. Although, judging from my lack of traffic lately, except for the one day that Rose so graciously pimped herself for me, I should say, "Come on in! Have a drink! Have three! Stay awhile!"

9. spring break 04 spankings (Google) Pleading the 5th on this one.

AND MY MOST FAVORITALICIOUS ONE EVER: (Ready? Ready? Are you sure? Nevermind. Just kidding. Did that make you want to smack me, or what?)

Insert Heavenly Music here. Or Handel's 'Messiah'. Whichever you prefer

10. Pillow facial disfiguration.

I shall leave that one commentless. It is the piece de resistance (Yes! I know it's supposed to have an accent! I don't know how to do that!) in my little bag of tricks. Think Felix.

I shall fidget with my new gadget until I figure it out. Or fall asleep. Or spontaneously combust. Parting will be such sweet sorrow.

P.S. If you think it takes to long to leave me a comment, you can always write to me. That's okay, too.

by Alex at 11:29 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
Comments
on April 17, 2004 01:49 PM rachel said:

When Gary left he got me a new toy too... it however wasn't rated PG .... or even R.. and took the cheap batteries...

on April 17, 2004 03:48 PM Alex. said:

R,

Have I ever told you that I LOVE how candid you are? I turned beet red when one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go to an onsen with her (the public bath, where you go nude). And that's not taboo!

on April 17, 2004 07:41 PM Pixy Misa said:

#5 is actually pretty boring - someone looking for a way to copy the "Contact Plus" program.

on April 17, 2004 10:34 PM Alex. said:

Just goes to show you what I DON'T know. Now, what I can't figure out is how something like that came up on my blog!

on April 18, 2004 10:08 AM Mark said:

Somebody Googled "Shampoo as anal lube" last week and my site came up.

Tell me that shit wan't make you scratch your head and say "hmmmm"?

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