April 24, 2004
Signs
I got in the car Thursday...what was playing? (pretend you can hear the cheesy music and my off-key singing. Get in an 80's frame of mind. Ready? Set? GO.) "All I need is a miracle! All I need is you!" I didn't know the rest of the words, so I just dun dun dunneed my way through the rest of it, as I drove around the runway to work. AND, I thought to myself, "Is somebody trying to tell me something? Because I really do need a miracle. In a big ass way. More time. More brain. Less sleep." But I just dismissed it as another random thought. Also, you know my ADD makes it damn near impossible for me to focus on any one thing more than say....Hunh?
After the song was over, Nelly Furtado came on. Except the DJ introduced her as "Nelly FurTARdo" which really bugs the piss out of me. The guy, as a DJ, sucks. Judging from his show, I am guessing that he got hired because he is bilingual. I'm cool baby, I can dig it! I just feel that as a Native English Speaker, he should be literate, too. I think that is probably the only gene? trait? that my parents are proud of passing on to me. A disgusting habit of being obsessively anal retentive about all things grammar. Yes Virginia, my parents still correct my English. How old am I? 28. Yes, I'm a married woman who is one month away from her Master's degree that still gets corrected (at the dinner table no less!) by her parents! *FUN* Actually, it used to piss me off, but, now I am happy that my parents, after shelling out a shitload of bucks want me to reflect that I am indeed educated.
And then I lost the rest of the day to nosepickers and sticky fingers and "are hot dogs made out of weiner dogs?" and crazy assed parents (and we are NOT! NOT! NOT! talking about that.) , but not before I saw a website that expressed dislike in profanity, because we're smarter than that. And I thought (little 'ole me of the "Motherfucker! Shit! Damn! Fuck!" with Tourette like precision) that I AM smarter than that. You can calm down now, because it will be a cold day in fucking hell before I stop potty mouthing it through life. However (and I am SOOO waving my hand through the hair to get you to listen RIGHT. NOW.) , HOWEVER, cursing for me is an art. More than a form of lazy, satisfying self expression, (TANGENT: Which reminds me: It is kind of like lazy, satisfying sex. And I am definitely of the opinion that sometimes that can be the BEST kind. Not everything has to be all damn hot and heavy up in herre, you know? If you disagree with me, well, shut up.) cursing is an extremely effective form of anger management for me. You anger me, I go home and say, "SHITFUCKCOCKSUCKERWANKER," about five or six times, and I feel MUCH! BETTER! Presto! Relief! I no longer feel stressed out. For me, it is not really a matter of intelligence and communication, but a matter of anger management and stress relief. And it's fucking free!!!!! I bet I could market that. How to curse your way to a BRAND! NEW! YOU! Lose weight, too!
So while I'm pretending to write my three papers due Monday! Tuesday! and Wednesday! because I am convinced that rather than let me graduate with a 4.0 the University is conspiring to kill me, I'm really just watching the signs. This much I know is true (Shameless ripoff of book title. Literature, crunch crunch, it's *yummy*!):
1. I need a miracle. If "you" is a person who can do my papers for me, then I need you, too.
2. I am disgustingly anal-retentive and I likes it.
3. I curse, therefore I am.
Linky Linkers: I will get to you this weekend, I PURROMISE. I have not forgotten you, my lovelies!
Cursing IS an art form... Please tell Gary this.. sometimes he looks at me in horror as vialness spews from my lips ...
My cat Sammy has Tourettes.. he walks around and twitches and then he'll do this f*cked up meow.. he can meow normal.. this is what convinces me my cat is crazy.. like me.
Gary does not believe in the lost art form? Curses! We'll just have to have a little talk with him when I get to Phoenix.
Yes, we can talk about it. I try not to swear that much, although lately the Military has gotten the better of me.
I'm changing that as of now, 26APR04 2138.
