April 28, 2004
Step Away from the Cheap Glasses
You know, everytime I hang out with AT and her husband, we drink ridiculous amounts of wine. And at some point in the evening, I put on some ridiculous glasses. These are my Dexter look. And I was almost speaking like him at that point in the evening. Except I don't have a sister named Didi. Hey, you! Be glad I didn't blow this motherfucker up! I'd break your damn computer.
One of my students said that my smile was...funny. Whaddya mean? I growled back at her (No. Not fucking really. Let me live my daydreams, okay! After wiping 27 noses a day, sometimes I feel a little fucking disgruntled) It's so....so...This girl, who talks 24 -7 was at a loss for words! It's so square! she finally volunteered. All right. I'll buy that for a dollar. Beats getting told that I have child bearing hips. (Note to stupid motherfucker who said that to me: What on God's green earth made you think that I would go home with you after you said that? For the rest of y'all who can't see me, imagine the bewildered WTF? look on my face HERE???!!!!) Psst! Just for next time, compare me to Venus de Milo, okay? She's got some big honkin' hips and people think she is an object d'art! (Yeah, yeah, that's for you Mr. How do I get into a girl's pants on google. I don't care if you're 12 or not. Learn some fucking manners. Shit. Yeah. That would be the sound of me dismissing you right about now.)
When I started this blog, I had every intention of making myself look reasonable all the time, but I thought, what's the fucking point if not a little fun between friends? For that reason, and for the sole reason that I am drinking some Red REd wine (Oh. yeah. You make me feel so fine.), I posted that picture of me. Yes America, I am an asshole too. Here's my motherfucking membership card.
In a random thought, do you ever wonder what happens to the assholes that you went to school with? I went to school with a girl by the name of Samantha Dickinson (and I so hope you do a vanity google so that you can find yourself on here!) who I knew in 7th grade. She accused me of stealing her boyfriend. By the FUCKING way, I was 10. ABOUT 6 years away from puberty you psychotic cunt! (Long story, readers. 'Nother time, 'Nother bottle) Sam, as she liked to be referred to, could not comprehend the fact that I was 10 and she was 13, and that as a result, I was about as sexual as a, Shit...what am I looking for? 2nd time. Better than the first. I was about as sexual as a....eunuch residing in the Imperial Palace catering to the Last Emperor. Although I did eventually "fill out". Poor bastards. She decided that she was going to make my life hell for the last 38 weeks of the school year and did just that. She pushed me into the swing pole, laughed when I fell off because it had struck me from left shoulder to right hip damn near paralyzing me, and then when I had to be picked up later that day came up to me, whispered in my ear and said, "I was pushing you that way because I wanted to kill you." Umm, hello? Social services? She did all kinds of other shit, too. But it was that particular killing remark that just kind of stays with me, you know, just because I'm anal retentive and shit. *dripping sarcasm* So, I just wonder what kind of person she is today. I sincerely doubt that she's working in child care, or sales, or real estate, or as a waitress, or anything that requires interaction with people. Yeah. I'm Jenny MOTHERFUCKING Jones today. Buy me a fucking drink.
I LOVE that picture.. square smile? I dunno but I do think it's great.
PS.. Dexter is the greatest ever.
Also I should do a post on my blog about all the people I hated in highschool... great idea.. thanks.
Ah, the people we hated when we were younger. That's so funny. I don't know if I could truly come up with any. I was kind of the geek kid, so I didn't even spend much time hating my peers.
I think you need some more wine.
that girl sounds like a real bitch.
Rachel,
Well, you're the only one I've met (or not met) who doesn't think my smile is fucked up. And how drunk do I look in that picture?
Rose,
I was a TOTAL geek. Once I get to Momma's house, I'll have to send you some pics so you can have a good laugh. That's why I didn't understand why this chick thought I was stealing her boyfriend. I had no boobs. no body. short hair. could've been a boy.
Amber,
I certainly think she was. Still, I'd be curious to see what kind of person she was today. Sometimes it's a real fucking trip to run into people that you knew way back when - because YOU are different. Ya know?
Love the smile! The glasses not so much.
H,
What can I say? They came free in my packet of airheads. At least the other ones cost a dollar at the dollar store. Apparently, you have to pay for quality!
A blonde eating Airheads? Couldn't that be considered cannibalism?
Hahahahah! Yes, I suppose it could. I wish I could think of some funny one-liners. I'm never good off the cuff. Or on the cuff. Or with one liners at all!
